Daydreaming

Now I have laryngitis. At least it isn't strep throat--I guess.

I still feel bloated. I think I'm getting entirely too much salt. It's not a horrible bloat, just a kind of all over puffy feeling. I feel thick. Does that make sense?

I was thinking, isn't it funny that you think you might miss something, and turns out you don't really? And once it's gone, you don't even really think about it that much?

I'm still dreaming of being in Mexico. And trying to figure out how to make that possible. I spend a lot of time daydreaming now. Of course, it's been a long time since I had anything to look forward to. Mexico's bright colors and beauty stick in my mind. I was there once about five years ago, and I loved it. I wanted to move there then. And I thought about it for weeks afterward. Be sure to read Patrica Walker's blog Mexico Daily Living, which is listed in my blog roll. She's has some beautiful photos posted.

OK. So now I feel more like resting than writing.

Mexico's Calling

For some reason, I'm feeling queasy and not really very well. I also feel headachy and bloated. Blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of feeling crappy.

My diet has been going OK, but I am bloated. I don't know why.

I'm still day dreaming about another life. I want to figure out how to make my dreams come true.

The weather is still crappy and sloppy.

Mexico awaits me.

Winter's Mess Makes Me Want to go Sooner

The weather here is really bad and threatening to get worse. I hate winter. Slipping and sliding around is not my idea of a good time. I've never even thought I would enjoy skiing. Strapping a couple of waxed up boards to your feet and sliding down the side of a mountain--seriously? I wish I were in Mexico. I may try to figure out how to make a quick trip around April.

My mood remains spirited--despite not making it out of the house. I may try to take some photos of the mess outside later. The diet continues to go well. I'm going to try to slip in some exercise in a little while.

I'll try to write more later.

South of the Border, Down Mexico Way

Well, this weekend was certainly interesting, if nothing else. It started out bad, but got better. I now have a plan for my future. I'm going to live in Mexico. How am I going to do that? You ask. I'm going to work as a caretaker for rich people. All I have to do is live in their house and get paid for it. I can spend the remaining time doing freelance writing, maybe photography.

OK. This isn't something I can just pack up and go do tomorrow. I have several things to work out. My niece will live in my house here and take care of it. That's about all I have worked out for now. But hey, it's a start. I'm hoping to get most stuff figured out in the next year, and then it's, "adios."

I haven't been this happy or excited in a long time. I have nothing holding me here so there's no reason to stick around. And I don't want to spend my life being tortured doing some day-to-day unrewarding job. While I was married, I lived a routine life. After Al died, I kind of curled up and lived life in a fetal position. I can't do it anymore. Now, I need something more than a job I have to go to every morning. I'm 50. I still have 20 to 30 years left of this life. I don't want to be on my death bed saying, "I wish I had. . . ." Sometimes you've got to do your dreams.

I made it to the gym this morning. The diet is going OK. I feel good. It was actually easier than it's been in a couple of months to get up this morning. I felt more energized while I was working out. Having something to look forward to has done a strange thing to me.

Not so Intimidated Afterall

Made it to the gym again this morning.

My diet has still been going well over the past few days. Yesterday went extremely well because I had things to occupy my thoughts besides food. I think that's what I need. I think the piano class and getting some things done around my house will help me immensely. And when the weather changes for the better, I'll be able to walk the dogs again.

I had my first piano class last night. It was fun. I'm relieved that most of the people in the class have never played the piano before. I don't feel so intimidated. The teacher is very nice, and she says that she won't make anyone play in front of the class if he or she doesn't want to. Thank God. I have some homework. We're not having class next week because the teacher has to take her mother to Texas for eye surgery. So I have time to practice. Maybe I won't feel like such a dork if I can learn how to play the scales well and get the timing down—at least a little better. My goal—I may have said this before—is to play "Linus and Lucy."

OK. So I need to get to work.

Beginning Piano Tonight

In the gym again this morning. I need to get back into this. I think if i can make it through the week, I'll be OK.

The diet has been going OK for a couple of days now.

My piano class starts tonight. I'm looking forward to it.

I don't have a lot to say today. I hope I have more tomorrow.

Make It a Habit

Where do I begin? I made it to the gym today. I kind of fell off the diet wagon over the weekend. I'm getting back to it today, though. It'll take some willpower to get through a couple of days, but then I hope to be back in the habit.

I had a dream a couple of days ago where I bought a house. I was amazed at how much potential it had. It needed some work, but I could make it into something to be proud of. I noticed that part of the house had been blocked off, and that it was burned out. A couple had once owned the house, but the man had died suddenly leaving her alone. She was so distraught by his death, that she set fire to part of the house. The house was not burned beyond repair, but it take some elbow grease to restore it.

The part of the house that was burned out was a hotel where lots of guests once spent time. Now it was closed off, only the front of the house was open, but it, too, was in need of repair. But the potential for the house was so great, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I remember thinking that if I could get the hotel fixed up, I could earn some extra income to help me fix up the place the way I wanted it. I also remember thinking it was shame the house was burned out.

I know what this dream means.

I had another dream in which a rat had gotten into my electrical wiring, and was making things very difficult for me. It also got into the lock for my door, and would chew on the key when I tried to unlock it. The rat looked like a cartoon rat, with heavy eyebrows and beady eyes.

I think I know what this dream means, too.

So anyway, I'm getting back into my routine, I hope. Wish me luck.

Exactly when is spring? Not 'til March? Ugh.

I'm still doing great with the diet, but the exercise has fallen off. I just can't get moving in the morning. Part of my problem is the season. I hate winter. It depresses me. And right now I couldn't be more down in the dumps. Today it's 18 degrees F. There's about two inches of snow out there. It's cold, snowy, and icy. Not a combination I'm rearing to get out into. And there's no school today and several other things have been cancelled. So unless you're 12 years old or under, and got a sled for Christmas, today is pretty much a write off.

But my diet is still going OK. I can say that much.

Well, I've got to go dust a pile of snow from my car and get going. Maybe I will make it out. Wish me luck.

Waiting for Spring

The diet is still going well. I'm losing the weight I put on. Isn't that the way it goes?

I took Caleb to the vet this morning for "the Big Cut." He was shaking all the way to the vet's office—it was as if he knew. Poor guy. I will be nervous all day waiting for them to call and say he's OK.

I did not work out today. Tomorrow will be a gym day for sure. My friend is still calling me in the morning. I'm going to ask him to really lay on the guilt trip so I'll get my ass to the gym. I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for spring. I want to get out walk. I can think of lots of things to do. Winter makes me want to hibernate. I hate it. I go to bed at unreasonably early hours—like 8 p.m. And I'd like to go to bed sooner. It makes me depressed and tired.

Well, I guess I should do some work.

Resisting Temptation, Struggling with Identity

It snowed here last night so I didn't get up and go to the gym. But I did do an old Power 90 workout. It's about 30 minutes of resistance work. I have to do something everyday, even if I don't go to the gym.

The diet is going well. I resisted several temptations yesterday--like French fries, ice cream, and cookies. I feel like I've lost a lot of fluid--according to the scale at least two pounds. I also have a friend who's helping me. He lost more than 100 pounds about five years ago. He knows how to turn on the guilt trips. But it works. And believe it or not, I appreciate it.

I'm still struggling with self worth. I don't feel like I have much to live for all by myself. My dogs and my girls need me. So I live for them. I guess I need to learn how to live for myself. I got confirmation from WVU's Creative Arts Center about the piano class I signed up for. So I guess it's going to happen, unless there's some unforeseeable event. But believe me, "the journey to me" is a long difficult one.

I've spent most of my life taking care of other people. And most of them haven't appreciated it. They've expected it. And the truth is, I don't think I know how to take care of myself. So I'm working on that. And the piano is helping.

Tomorrow Caleb goes to the vet for the Big Cut. Poor thing has no idea what's going to happen to him. I told him: "Enjoy 'em while you've got 'em." There he is, lounging on the floor, not a care.

I think my baby niece may have an ear infection. I hope she'll be OK. I worry about those babies so much.

OK. I need to get to work.

P.S. The finger is doing well.

Are you serious?

So I had the finger surgery. It's still numb, but when that wears off, it's going to throb. The surgery went well. The surgeon is pretty sure he got the entire cyst. I think I'll be well enough tomorrow to go to the gym. I don't have to lift weights.

So get this: To have surgery on my finger I had to strip down to my underwear, put on one of those hospital gowns, wear booties on my feet, and wear one of those lovely blue paper hats with the elastic band over my hair.

I said to the nurse: "You've got to be kidding."

She says, "No. You're going into the OR and we don't want to introduce any outside germs." Like hospital germs are, what? Safe? Isn't that where MRSA got started?

Anyway, I'm going to take a pain pill and go sleep before the pain sets in.

He's Gonna Cut Me

Today I have surgery on my finger. I am going to the gym, but it will be an abbreviated workout. The weather is yucky and cold. But, hey, it is January. So I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow. I hope not too bad.

Call Me

I made it to the gym today. Woo Hoo. I did 35 minutes on an elliptical. I did some stretching. I have to get back to my routine. I have a friend who is calling me in the morning to make sure I'm up. It helps because I know the phone is going to start ringing, and I'll have to get up to answer it. After one day, so far so good.

I'm making an effort to get my diet under control, too.

So we'll see how this goes.

Looking for the Sunnyside

I've been really discouraged, despite the new year. I do need a new start though.

As far as exercise, I need to make a new start with that, too. I've been depressed, I think. And I'm having a rough time of getting up and going.

I'm having a rough time of everything, right now. In fact, this is the first time I've posted in more than a week. My home computer did have a trojan, but that has been repaired--knock on wood. And I could've posted on Sunday. But I didn't.

On the brighter side of my life, I'm excited to be working with a good friend again. I've felt really alone at my job for a long time. I've tried to make new friends, but I don't really connect with anyone. Now, I'll have a friendly face to see again. I hope my future is brighter this year.