What's pantophobia?

Lucy Van Pelt: Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.

Charlie Brown: I don't think that's quite it.

Lucy Van Pelt: How about cats? If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia.

Charlie Brown: Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.

Lucy Van Pelt: Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean, or gephyrobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?

Charlie Brown: What's pantophobia?

Lucy Van Pelt: The fear of everything.

Charlie Brown: THAT'S IT!

Physical Reason for Stuffing Myself

I was going to get some new photos of the boys, but they would not cooperate. I'll try again tonight.

I made it to the gym again this morning. Wow. That's two days in a row. I'm going for four.

My stomach still feels much better—although I'm more tired today than yesterday. I felt so good yesterday, I think I wore myself out.

Still pounding away on the piano. Right now, I'm still really confused over the notes. I know the keys, but when it comes to actually playing a song, suddenly I'm a klutz—well, that may not be sudden. I feel like I have flippers instead of fingers. Anyway, I'm practicing. I'm also looking into some piano software. I think that would be cool. A friend of mine is supposed to help me figure all of that out.

I ate breakfast before I went to the gym today, and now I'm hungry again. My stomach is growling—and it feels like actual hunger pangs and not that feeling that I need to stuff myself to make my stomach feel better.

We're having a Christmas lunch at work today. I think I can make it through without over doing it. Like I said, I no longer feel like I have a need to stuff myself. You know, sometimes our downfalls actually have a physical explanation.

It's Moments Like These

After a weekend with my girls, I'm exhausted. I took the morning off so I could sleep in--I have a huge amount of vacation time that I need to take before I lose it. I just don't take that much vacation time anymore. There's nothing to do when there's no one to enjoy it with you. So I slept in. I actually slept for 12 hours. After two nights of little girls tossing and turning and throwing their legs over me, I need a good nights sleep.

If there's one good thing in my life about being a widow it's that I love sleeping alone. I can sprawl out on the bed. I can sleep in direction I wish to. It's Heaven. But I would trade it if I could have my buddy back.

Anyway, since I slept in, that means I didn't go to the gym. But I will tomorrow. I also will begin a new eating plan. I'm going to get back into Sparkpeople.com. I haven't kept up with it in a long while. It really did help me keep the eating under control. I want to keep a journal that I can write in through out the day as well. I need a smaller notebook for that. I'm constantly starting journals that I write in for a little while then don't keep up with. There are these little half-started journals everywhere in my house, my purse, and who know where else. Sometimes I think about what will happen when I die, and my family runs across them. Oh well. I couldn't possibly find them all. So, I guess the cat will be out of the bag then, won't it? But what will I care? I'll be dead.

Honest to God, my neighbor put up his Christmas decorations yesterday. Seriously.

Having my girls here over the weekend was great. Oh we had our moments--like yesterday when they started fighting over a wagon--like one of those little red wagons but it's plastic. I couldn't take it anymore, and they both went to time out. But there are funny moments, too. Like when The Little One got hurt--not that that's funny--and I asked,"Show me where you got hurt?" And she pointed to the edge of the patio and said, "Over there." Of course I meant where on her little body did she get hurt. I laughed until I cried. She ended up laughing, too.

The Little One has figured out that if she cries, I'll pick her up and hold her. At first she had me buffaloed. But I've caught on to her scram now.

Anyway, I don't pay a lot of attention to what I was eating while they were here. Although I was getting a lot more exercise--I don't think it was enough to X out all of the extra calories.

OK. I'm going to relax a little more, and then get ready for work.

Celebrate Your Life

Today is Friday. Another week gone. 

Last night I was dreaming that several people in my neighborhood had already decorated for Christmas. I've had this dream a couple of times now. I was really shocked that they would go ahead and decorate so early. I thought, "Wow. They are really going to be tired of those decorations by Christmas. It's the middle August. Geez." What kind of meaning does this dream have to me? Christmas coming early? Christmas coming too soon? 

When Al was alive, Christmas was my favorite time of year. I still like to buy gifts for the girls. And slowly, Christmas is coming back to life for me. But why do I keep dreaming about people decorating for the holiday too early? What does that mean? Maybe that there are things to celebrate no matter what time of year it is? 

I did 65 minutes of cardio this morning. Fifty minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the treadmill. And now I can rest for a couple of days. I do plan on getting some work done around my house this weekend. I've put it off too long. 

Yesterday, I said that absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder—at least it doesn't for me. It makes me forget and feel forgotten. Real friends don't have to find the time for each other—they make the time. Everyone is busy. But sometimes you have to put off going to the grocery store and take a minute for the people in your life. And yes, that's message to "someone out there"—even if it is too late.

I have a lot of challenges to get my house in order. It's such a mess now. So that's going to take a lot of time for a while. I have a stack of various colors of paint chips. I'm trying to decide between colors that are only a micro-shade of difference. How do you ever know for sure? 

OK. Gotta go for today.