Bad Knees Make Boot Camp too Hard

Here's the deal: because of my knee problems, I won't be doing the boot camp. I will, however, be going to the gym that's associated with the boot camp and building up the muscles in my hips, thighs, and legs so I can support my knees. My knees were in such bad shape over the weekend, I couldn't really walk around.

Let's face it: I'm not 20 years old. I'm 51. I just couldn't keep up. I'll start at the gym on Friday. My biggest words of wisdom are don't do something that's making you feel worse. That's not the point of exercise.

Made It through the Week

I'm tired and I'm sore. Yesterday, I could barely move. Boot camp is tough. I never knew I could exercise through wishing I could puke. My hamstrings are still tight. That's something I've really got to work on. My knees are killing me. No more running. I can't. I've been using the inversion table, and it helps. But it ain't making the knee pain go away completely.

I've been eating too much. Exercise makes me hungry.

I'm the oldest person in this boot camp. Did I tell you that already? I have 20 years on everyone else. However, I feel obligation to keep up with my younger boot campers. They can run, jump, or whatever they want. I will do what I can do.

Well, more later

Change Yourself before You Have the Nerve to Talk about Someone Else

Between lunges, squats, crunches, and something called suicides, I am so sore today I can hardly move. But it's all good right? When April 23 comes, I'll be in better shape and ready to take on new exercise challenges. And I'm on my way to getting back to "what I never wanted to get up to."

I'd like to get a walk in today.

Eating has been OK.

Obnoxious Men Should be Banned from Society 
Yesterday a friend and I went out for lunch. We were good, getting a grilled chicken salad with the dressing on the side. But while we were there, this guy—who was with a group of guys—was so obnoxious, it was more than rude. He was loudly telling a story of his wife's after-pregnancy stomach flab. He said that her stomach flab hung down eight inches. He went on and on about it. He also said that if he lost 50 pounds, he would in no way look like this. He said it was disgusting.

OK. So let's take a look at him. For him to be even close to fighting weight, he'd have to lose 100 pounds—not 50. He was unshaven and pretty much a mess. He looked like the kind of guy who's butt crack would be on display if he crouched down. He in no way had ever taken care of himself. Yet he thought he had the right to complain about his wife.

I hate men like this. Never for one day have they thought about what they look like, yet they're embarrassed to be seen with a woman who's had children—and their children no less. These kind of men should be taken to the woods and left to live in a cave where even the wild animals don't want anything to do with them. Who do they think they are? They look like overweight grizzly bears and probably smell something similar to that. But they're too good to be seen with a woman who's just had a baby?

I could go on and on, but I'm sure you have the idea. It's the man in the mirror who should change.

I Just Want to be Alone

1,010 in 2010 has a pretty cool giveaway. Stop by his blog and check it out.

As for me, I'm staying home again today. I just couldn't go out and negotiate that snow again. Right now, I'm doing the addict thing by isolating myself--and I know I'm doing it. Please don't tell me to just get out of the house. You know what? Even if I did, I don't have any place to go--except work. And that's depressing the hell out of me. Going in there and having people talk to me like I'm four years old is getting really old. I wish I had never written that grant. But I can't really go into that here.

I'm in a snappy, bitchy mood, too. I've had a bad cold over the last week and a sinus headache to match it. I'm depressed. I'm pissed off. And I don't want to be around anyone.

Currently the only people I really talk to are my blogging friends. I don't really have anything to say to the people who are right in front of me.

Well, it's snowing again. I'm waiting for just one day where it doesn't snow and maybe there's a little sunshine.

My test yesterday was to see if I disconnected a link that I no longer wanted my blog appear on. I think it worked.

Well, I hope I have someting positive to say soon. Boot camp starts March 8. Maybe that will jolt me out this abyss.

Boot Camp Looming: Excited But Not Ready

I'm going to begin my day by being honest. I haven't been exercising, and I'm getting lazier by the day. I'm still careful about the eating—but exercise. . . . Here's the thing: The March 8 date to begin the boot camp I signed up for is looming. And I'm not ready. I've been doing a little walking here and there, but that's it. And by a little walking, I mean like around a grocery store. I have no miles to add to my dailymile tracker. I feel terrible.

Even though the boot camp is going to be hard, I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping new rounds will run all summer and into the fall. I need something to kick my ass. I need a kick start. I don't like exercising by myself. I like group exercise. I like classes. But I'm also a morning exerciser. So this boot camp should be the thing I need to get me going.

What I Can Control
I figured out that I can't control everything in my life, but I can control my eating and exercise. If all else fails, I can control how I deal with emotional eating. I can confront the eating and ask myself why I'm eating when I'm not hungry. I can find out what it is I'm really hungry for.

I've just got to get a little more wind before this thing starts, and I'm in the middle of it.

Troubles Seem Farther Away

Yesterday I didn't feel like doing anything. Today I worked out twice. Did a little more than two miles this morning. And then did a 20-minute Zumba class at lunch. Plus I signed up for a Boot Camp that starts March 6. I figure that gives me time to get ready for it—or to chicken out. I think I'll be OK though. I'm starting to get the feel for working out again. I just wish there were more classes in the morning.

Thinking of Getting Emotional
I've been thinking about revealing more about my childhood—but not going too far. To get over the pain, you have to face it head on. I'm not talking about dwelling on it. I'm talking about purging it. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure what's appropriate and what isn't—at least from my point of view. So my posts may get a little emotional. But not today.

So while I'm thinking about it, I'll stick with some housekeeping kinds of posts. Maybe some days I will have more to say than others. For today, though, this it it. Have a Great Day.

P.S. New article from MSNBC: Obesity Rates Idle as Most of Us Are Already Fat.

I'm Melting

The humidity is so bad here, I almost sweat myself to death this morning. It was literally dripping from me. And I clocked in another aerobics class.

I was wondering how the instructor who teaches the boot camp class feels knowing that she's actually killed people?

Crush sighting. It's a good day.

I'm Not Dying to Take Boot Camp

It's Thursday. I may take tomorrow off, but I'm not sure yet. I was feeling kind of run down, but after my workout I feel better. And I got to see my crush on the way out the door. That always makes me feel better, too. Tha thump. Tha thump. Too cute. Anyway, the day seems to be getting better. 

I was thinking of taking a day off because my aches and pains had aches pains. But I feel better. I don't know what happened in the matter of a couple of hours, but hey. 

Today, one of the ladies in my aerobics class was talking about the Boot Camp that they have at the gym. Apparently, this guy went home to take shower after the class, and had a heart attack and died. OK. That's all I needed to know. I won't be doing Boot Camp. And the aerobics instructor takes the class as well. She does not recommend it for people who are not already in superior condition. It's a lot of running—likes miles and miles of running. And that's great if that's what you want to do. But I think I'll pass. Anyway, if I'm out running around somewhere, I may miss seeing my crush. And that would be criminal.

Fence Sitting

I'm thinking of doing Boot Camp. That's a six-week program of intense exercise taught by someone who is a hardcore athlete. I really want to do it. My reservations: being at there at 5 a.m.—that's currently the time I get up—and it costs $150—and that's kind of steep for me right now. I think I'm in good enough shape to do it. But I'm still on the fence. It would be a good kick in the butt, though.

I was thinking this morning that's it's been about a year since I made the decision to get in shape. I've lost around 60 pounds since then. I feel better than I've felt in years. And it's hard for me to believe that I was ever "that other person"—that fat woman who could barely get around. I still have a long way to go, but the distance is getting shorter. 

Last year in April, I went to Williamsburg. While on this trip, I began making some lifestyle changes. I walked a lot. I tried to watch what I was eating. I started trying to live again. It had been a long time since I was truly alive. I was still in heavy grief. But I knew I had to make some changes. My health had been rapidly deteriorating for more than 18 months. I felt sick all of the time. My body ached. My own weight was getting impossible to haul around. My joints hurt. I couldn't even bend over. But much has changed.

It's amazing what a difference a year makes.