If It's Tuesday. . . .

It's Tuesday.

Well, I'm back to the gym on a somewhat regular basis. In the last six days, I've been there four. So, that's saying something. And the diet is slowly getting better.

I pray everyday for some kind of divine intervention. I'm tired of struggling through life like it is. If I had the financial means to retire, I would.

I have a motivational saying on the wall in front of me at work. It says, "Motivation is what gets you started. habit is what keeps you going." —Jim Ryun. I'm trying to get back into the habit. I still can't believe I was sick for almost a full year. Where is the fairness in life? Ugh. At least I felt guilty this morning for not going—then wished I would've gone despite the sinus headache. So that's good. Making excuses for not going doesn't seem like such relief anymore.

I'm going to start doing some writing for Suite101. I already have a couple of people lined up to interview—a personal trainer and a registered dietitian. So be looking for those stories soon. I'll let you know when they're published. I'm looking forward to writing something other than environmental issues. It should be fun.

I Haven't Been Defeated

I'm going to the gym in the morning, despite the way I feel. I'm really disappointed that no one can seem to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm getting more frustrated as the days and months go by. I have been set back in my weight loss program by months.

I'm eating low fat, trying to exercise as much as possible, but still gaining weight and the pain in the right side isn't improving. It is also spreading across the stomach--but headquartered in my right side. By now, I think this is something serious. But all of my medical tests have been inconclusive. I'm awaiting the results of some blood and fecal tests now. I imagine they will show nothing as well.

Well, I gotta get up at 5 a.m. So I'm off to bed. I hope my medical issues don't discourage anyone from fighting the War Against Fat. I will get better soon, and I will be back in the shape I was six months ago. I figure as long as I write it down, I am making a commitment. And I have committed to exercising with a trainer at least two per week for the fall semester here at WVU. So I will be there in the morning.

P.S. Funny thing. Most of weight gain has been in my middle.

I Don't Want to Give Up

Despite the pneumonia diagnosis and a full course of antibiotics, I'm still having pain in my right side—under my ribs—most especially after a fatty meal. And I'm still having gastrointestinal problems that I won't go into, but are really annoying. I've had moments where I've been doubled up on the bed and had to jump up and run to the bathroom. Anyway, I think I have more going on than pneumonia.

I have my girls this weekend. They want to go to the zoo. Sounds like fun to me—as long as I don't eat any fat. Who knows? Maybe this is a good thing, and I can get over my compulsive overeating just by being sick. I haven't lost any weight with this though. In fact, I'm swollen.

Been going to the gym twice a week up to this point. I want to get back to five days a week next week. I'll have two different personal trainers for the next two weeks and then summer school ends, so I won't have a trainer under the fall semester begins. But that'll be OK. At least I'll be more in the habit of getting up to go the gym. So I'll be on my own for a month. 

I just want to be healthy. I don't want to be one of those old women who just gives up. 

You mean I coulda been getting this for free?

I've decided I'm leaving my current gym to join the Student Rec Center at WVU. Why? Because it's cheaper, and I can get a free personal trainer. What did she say? A free personal trainer? That's right. I wish I had known this a month ago. 

Unfortunately, I have a hiatal hernia that I must have repaired—soon. But that doesn't mean I can't get my ass started. And stop paying for the other membership that I'm really not using anyway.

I want to be healthy as I enter my twilight years—I think I'm older than I am. But right now I feel older than I am.  

A sidebar, and I know you'll be really interested in my health symptoms, my hernia causes me to retain large amounts of gas that identifies itself when I take a swig of diet Coke and follow it with something the magnitude of what might come out of a frat boy at a keg party. Nice, huh?

OK. That's the bad side of the hernia. What it has done for me, though, is made me think about every piece of food I put in my mouth. If I eat too much at a time, I'm in pain for hours afterward. So I'm eating very small portions. What I have come to realize is that I ate when I wasn't even thinking about it. I would look at some food and think, "this will be good," and then eat it—maybe later I don't even remember that I did it. Now, I stop before I put it in my mouth and think about the pain I'll be in if I give into the temptation. And I'm not even sure that temptation is the right word. 

So that brings me back to using food to comfort myself. What does it do for me? Especially since it makes me feel so guilty after I do it. Why am I always on self destruct? 

So that's what I'll be thinking about this week. 

Time Change Next Week

Another personal training session this morning. Ugh. But, in reality, I wish I could afford a personal trainer three times a week. She works me harder than I would myself. I tend to take it easy on me. It'll be good to know some other exercises to do besides the ones I was doing. Maybe I can workout my own plan for a month or so, and then switch it up.

The time changes next week. That's gonna be hard for me. But I like Daylight Savings TIme better than standard time. I like having more time in the evening to do things. And since Caleb has dug up my background—it look like a family of gophers, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, moved in—I'll need lots of time to repair the damage he's done.

I wish I could retire—you know if I had enough money and everything.

Well, it's going to be a long day. So I better get moving.