I'm Gonna Try It

I'm going to try alli. I'll start it this weekend. But, you know, just doing something about my binging is making me feel better. I'm gettin' ready to get back to work. I came too far in the past two years to just let it all go to hell in a hand basket.

Sorry, I was supposed to write an update today, but didn't get to it. I had to go the doctor first thing this morning. Allergies. And I have an ulcer that's bothering me. And my leg still hurts. I'm a mess. I almost called my niece to call to take me to the doctor. But then I thought, "My God, I'm not that old. I can get to the doctor on my own. What's wrong with me?" Anyway, I went. And guess what? I have allergies. No Kiding. I just spent $140 so you could tell me something I already know. But he was a nice guy overall. He suggested I use a neti pot--you know one of those nasal cleaning pots that Dr. Oz talsk about on Oprah all the time. Well, they work. When I was using it before, I had to try to remember if I did have allergies.

So that's all for now.

Wondering If Alli Is Worth It

I was wondering if anyone has tried Alli? And whether the thought of the worst possible side effect actually happening keeps you in line? And does it work? Or just end up embarrassing you?

I Don't Want to Miss the Bus

I'll update tomorrow. I'm still suffering with sinusitis despite taking an antibiotic. I finally broke down and made an appointment with an ENT. I have suffered with allergies ever since I can remember. I can remember lying around on the couch because I didn't feel like doing anything else, and my mom being pissed at me because she thought I was being lazy. Anyway, my face is swollen (pretty picture, huh?), my nose is congested, and I feel like I can't breathe. And I have deep, dark circles under my eyes--which they tell me is because of an allergy to mold. Rain, rain go away.

Every time I take a vacation, I get sick. On the bright side, I have no appetite. But I don't feel like exercising. I had such big plans for this week. But anyway, I said I wasn't going to start over until June 5. And that's next week.

I keep dreaming that I'm waiting for a bus. I have to go through a maze to get to the bus stop, and then I'm not sure if I already "missed the bus" or not. I can remeber that "this is how I caught the bus before." And I'm hoping the same thing will work now. Pretty obvious, huh?

The Windmills

Are these cool or what?

It Was the Drugs

P.S. It turned out to be the antibiotic. Cipro--it made me lightheaded and nauseated. Gak.

I'm Looking for the Windmills

It's past midnight. I still can't sleep. My stomach has been full of air, making me into a burping machine. Anyway, it's starting to feel better. I think I will do something different tomorrow. I might go see the windmills. (No, I don't intend to fight them. I just wanna see 'em.)

Depression has been keeping close track of me. And I'm really feeling somewhat lucid. I want to go see the windmills.

Sick Again, God Help Me

Well folks, I'm sick again. This time I think I have bronchitis. My chest hurts and feels heavy. And to top that off, I think I have a bladder infection. I haven't made it to the gym at all. But on the bright side, I haven't been eating much either. This is what I get for walking around in the rain on Saturday—and that's a long story that I won't get into.

Yesterday, I slept all day. I can't take being sick anymore. I should have bought stock in MedExpress.  I wonder if it is a publicly trade comp[any. I'll have to check that out. God knows I've given them enough money. They ought to be making a killing. 

Anyway, sorry I haven't been around. But I'm working on getting back into the whole "health thing." Wish me luck. I need it right now. 

Made It Again

Made it to the gym again today. Still an abbreviated workout, but a workout nonetheless.

Light news day otherwise.

All's Quiet for Now

I made it to the gym—even though I took the scenic route. I accidentally went the way I usually go to work, which adds at least another 10 minutes to the trip. But I got there. 

I'm still thinking about the personnel training sessions. And still working on the diet. Not much else to say about that.

I had the girls all weekend and both of them ended up being sick—one on Friday night and the other on Saturday night. I'm too old to be up all night with sick kids. It's taken me three days to recover. 

I hope I can continue going to the gym bright and early. Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow. 

There's No Need to Fear

OK. Now I'm supposed to tag five other bloggers. And, by the way, Vicki, thanks.

I Can't Sleep Because I'm Thinking about Exercise

I'm up late. I can't sleep. But I've got to relax. So I guess it's a hot bath soon.

I'm thinking of buying 12 personal training lessons--the more you buy the cheaper they are. Anyway, it should cost me around $540. I'm getting back to the gym next week. But I'm going to start out slow. I'll buy the personal training sessions the week after, and then I'll have two sessions a week for the next six weeks. I wish I could afford a personal trainer twice a week every week. But, alas, I cannot.

So that's what's keeping me awake. I'm thinking too much.

Being Mindful of Where I Need to Go

I'm trying to figure out how to get my motivation back to where it was 18 months ago. But I can't seem to work up the state of mind that it takes. That got me to wondering, what is the psychological mindset that it takes to get into the groove? What is that motivator? I'm sure it's different for everyone. But what was it that made me "ready" 18 months ago that I'm having trouble recapturing today?

For one thing, I was so fat I couldn't bend over to pick something up that had fallen on the floor. For another thing, I spent about a month mentally preparing myself for what would be a long and difficult journey. I watched FitTV even if I didn't workout. I looked for healthy recipes even if I didn't prepare them—yet. I read other blogs. But the whole time, I kept telling myself that on this particular date in the future, I would begin.

So that's the point I'm going to start at today. I'm not going to rush myself. I'm going to stop pressuring myself with internal talk like, "By next Friday I will be" how ever many pounds I've decided is a good number. I'm saying one month from today, I am going to begin again. Until then, I will be preparing. Not by eating everything in sight, but by becoming mindful of what it is that I need to do.

So my beginning date is June 5.

Play It Again

Once again, I'm starting over.