Blog Claiming Post

You may think this is strange, but I have to say it. A hairy communist bolts. I'll explain later.

Eight Things about Me

I have no idea what to post today, so I'm updating an old post from a couple of years ago. I was tagged to write 8 things about things about myself. So here it is.

8 Things about Me
1. I was born at home. Not too peculiar, but considering it was in southern West Virginia in the '50s, it's a bit of a tale. My mother did not go to a doctor throughout her entire pregnancy with me. In spite of that, I was born as a healthy nine-pound baby. A midwife named Garnett Farley delivered me. I was born in my parents’ bed. After I was born, my father took me to the “company store” and weighed me on the meat scale. How’s that for a beginning in life? Hmmm. Maybe it was indication of how I would spend my life. On a scale. And in the vicinity of food.

2. You know how people can do that “Live Long and Prosper” thing with their fingers? Well, I can do that with my toes. Now there’s a skill that will come in handy in the future.

3. I did not start college until I was 27 years old. And then I paid my own way through school. It was so exciting buying my books and getting off to school. There is no way I could go back to school now. I’ve tried, but it’s just too much. My hat is off to anyone who could.

4. I’m completely creeped out by root cellars. Those dirt walls and the roots sticking out—can you tell I grew up in the country? Anyway, one of my worst nightmares is being locked in one.

5. I’ve traveled to more than 25 U.S. states, including Vermont, Delaware, New York, New Hampshire, Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Tennessee, Virginia, Kentucky, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, Wyoming, Colorado, California, Utah, Missouri, Nevada, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island. I can’t remember if there were any others or not. Most of my travels have been for work, but some for pleasure. I also have been to Canada and Mexico. Woo hoo.

6. I was bitten by a six-foot black snake when I was 18 months old. And I can remember it as if it had happened yesterday. It happened in my grandparents’ front yard. I saw the snake, and thought it was a rope. I wondered about it a little bit, and then I went up and kicked it. The snake bit me on my right knee. I started screaming. My grandfather, who had been in the tub, came running out of his house wrapped in a towel. My mother came screaming from some other direction—armed with a hoe. The snake didn’t live another five minutes. Don’t mess with a child when its mother is nearby. Now, I kind of feel sorry for the snake. But, needless to say, the experience left me scared to death of snakes. One time, I completely froze in my tracks, I couldn’t move, because one of those little green garden snakes slithered across my path.

7. I prefer Diet Coke to Diet Pepsi any day of the week. I don’t think I have to say anything more than that.

8. I have had trouble sleeping ever since I was born. My mother told me that when I was baby, the only way I could go to sleep was to put my head under her arm. Now, I can’t sleep if I’m even slightly stimulated. But I love to dream. I have tried to remember my dreams over the years. I think that dreaming helps me make sense of my life. The book, Our Dreaming Mind, by Robert Van de Castle is one of my favorites.

And that’s it for my list. Nothing great. I hope you all enjoyed learning a little more about me.

dreams and dreaming, weight loss, body fat

Shucks Folks, I'm Speechless

 I got an award. It's nice to be recognized among fellow bloggers. This award came from Donna C. at Journey of an Emotional Eater. Thank you, Donna.

The idea of this award is for me to name 10 things that make happy and then pass the award to 10 other people. I think I can do that.

1. My dogs cure loneliness and put a smile on my face everyday. Although they often frustrate me—I wish they would come when I call them. I mean, really, do you know when to come in out of rain?—I love them and wouldn't know what to do without them.
2. It makes me happy to know that other people are just as awkward and insecure about getting through life as I am. That may sound funny, but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone. We're all in this together.
3. Having friends and family I can rely on when I feel down. People who truly care about you are rare. I cherish the ones I have.
4. Good days at work. I like days that keep me busy. And I like good stress.
5. Spring days when I can garden. There's nothing like getting your hands in the dirt.
6. A good workout. Getting sweaty has many rewards, and I feel better all day.
7. Journaling about my worries and woes. Getting it out is a relief.
8. Playing piano because all can I think about is playing the piano.
9. Drawing for the same reasons.
10. The laughter of children. I don't think I need say more about that.

And now for 10 people to whom I shall pass this award:

1. Journey Beyond Survival
2. An aunt, a niece, a hundred pounds
3. A Life Change: My Journey to Happiness
4. Paula Want a Cracker
5. Amberly's Weight Loss Journey
6. Blueraspberry
7. A Walk in the Park
8. Only 260 to Go
9. Lose to Gain
10. PJs and Pounds

Congratulations folks and thank you for supporting me.

Going Slow, Trying to Work It Out

I'm starting the week out slow. I wrote a couple of articles for suite101.com over the weekend. One titled Dying from a Broken Heart and the other How To Quit Smoking. If you see any mistakes in them, let me know. I'm the Queen of Missing Words.

I'm still working on the article about Food Addiction. It's hard for me to write because I'm so close to the topic.  While I'm getting better at knowing when I'm physically full, I still suffer from sugar attacks. Anyway, with the article, I feel like, "How can I tell people about food addiction if I'm a food addict myself?"

Clean House and Hoarders
I watched Clean House—The Messiest Home yesterday. Wow. Hoarding behavior again. I really identify with this kind of behavior, but on the level of weight. Hoarders are afraid to give up their stuff. I'm afraid to give up my fat. It somehow brings me security, even though I try to tell myself and others that's not the case. I think another blogger, Journey Beyond Survival, said the same thing. Anyway, I'm working through it—trying to figure out what's going on in my head. My fat is somehow linked to my identity. If I lose it, I'll lose part of who I am—maybe. I don't know.

weight loss, hoarders

A Star is Born

What do you think Simon would say about this?

This Blog Is a Personal Journal, Not a Billboard

I'd thought about it for a while and had everything figured out that I wanted to say. But now I'm drawing a blank. I started this blog almost four years ago now because I want to explore the emotional side of weight loss.

A Rough Patch
I also was going through a very rough period in my life. I was dealing with the sudden death of my husband—who was only 47 years old. He died of sudden cardiac arrest—meaning his heart just stopped. As it turns out, he'd had coronary artery disease for years, and a rupture in the plaque build up was bound to happen. Heart disease runs in his family on his mother's side. When Al died, I didn't know that.

That's Why I Did This
Anyway, those are the reasons I started this blog. Even though I've fussed it up a little in the past few weeks, my intention was for this to be a place where I journal about the emotions that stand in my way—and that I use to fall back on—when it comes to weight loss. No one but me owns this blog. This is my place to blow off steam, whine, cry, get angry, smile, and laugh.

I hope that people who come here get something out of what they read—even if they just shake their heads and say: "I'd never do that." At least they know what not to do. So I hope you enjoy what I have to say, and know that I will not compromise my personal journal for the shake of a few pennies.

Walkin' at Lunchtime
I hope to go for some kind of walk during my lunchtime today. I will report later about whether that actually happens.

Attempting to Take Up Drawing Again
I got out my pencils and drawing paper—and I was amazed that I had actually put it away in an organization fashion—and started drawing again. I used to be pretty good at it. I'm pretty rusty now. Some things are coming back. Others I need to work on. But it definitely keeps my hands busy. And that keeps me out of the kitchen.

So that's about it for now. Maybe more later.

Gene Pools and Inheritance. What happened to me?

Yesterday I went to the gym—did the elliptical for 25 minutes and walked a mile. Tonight I plan to go to a Zumba class. Eating has been OK.

Hoarders
I've been watching a show on A&E titled Hoarders. It's about people who hoard possessions—virtually anything really including food. Psychologists say that people who hoard lack organizational skills and the ability to make rational decisions about what's really a keepsake and what's trash. Throwing anything away makes them anxious and can set them into a panic attack. Why am I bringing this up?

Well, I can see pieces of myself in this kind of behavior—not that I hoard things—but the lack of organizational skills and the inability to make decisions. But even more than that is that these people know what their doing is somehow not right and are ashamed of their behavior—yet they can't stop. Who does that sound like?

What did I inherit?
I guess through all of this TV watching I'm trying to figure out who I am. And why I do the things I do. Did you also know that much of this kind of behavior is also inherited? Yeah, they found the marker and everything. They also know that the brains of these people are different from people who don't hoard.

Truth: my mother was a hoarder. Our house never got to what the houses of the people on A&E look like—but it got pretty close. My sisters and I often tried to clean it all up. And then when Mom got older and couldn't care for herself, she stopped—mostly because she couldn't do it anymore.

I wonder if there's some kind switch inside me that will one day get flipped, and I'll turn into a hoarder. I hope not. Hoarding is related to obsessive/compulsive disorders. I'm pretty sure I have that. So what does this mean to me? Right now, I'm not sure.

Photo credit: Dragonarium

Sinus Problems Suck

Ahhh. I have today off. It's a good thing because Friday night and Saturday were a complete bust. I had one of the worst sinus infections I've ever had in my life. I had to go to the doctor Saturday morning. I'm doing much better. Thank God for antibiotics and neti pots. If you have never used a neti pot for sinus problems, you've got to at least try it. The results are amazing.

Today I'm going to do some much needed chores around the house. I may post someting more later.

Embracing Forgiveness, Empowering the Future

Yea. I worked out this morning. Well, I walked a little more than two miles. That means I exercised in some sort of way five times this week—one day I worked out twice. Today, I feel more like my old self than I have in more than a year. I'm excited. Next week I'm planning to go to at least one Zumba class with a friend. Maybe I'll do more. I intend to go the gym as well, and maybe I'll even make the Pilates class.

This morning, I noticed there were a couple of older women in it. And I didn't notice until there were only 15 minutes of class time left. I was surprised and bummed out. I assumed it would always be a class filled with young people, and I was wrong. So you know what they say about assuming? (Note: I am happy about this because I am 51 years old. Sorry if it came off like I was being a jerk. No way. I love it.)

Forgiving and Moving Forward
Today I'm working on positive thinking and forgiveness. There are some people in my life that I will have a tough time forgiving. But forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, and it's my choice as to whether I have them in my life or just choose to forgive and move on.

Also, I think that the self-absorbed pity party is over. Thank God. I was getting kind of tired of me.

Nutrition Not So Great
Nutrition has been so, so. I eat healthy food—but I'm still indulging here and there—mostly here, and there, And maybe over there. Anyway, more than I should be. Usually once I get beyond a depressive episode, the chocolate cravings stop. I'm still waiting.

I'm looking forward to some warmer weather this weekend. When it's been well below freezing, anything above 32 degrees feels like a heat wave.

Don't know if I'll be writing this weekend. If not, I'll see you Monday.

Losing the Crutches and Living

When I said that I was thinking about talking more about my childhood, I didn't mean that I intended to constantly rehash the past. I'm finished with feeling sorry for myself. I do, however, want to understand "how I got this way." For me, what it comes down to is forgiveness. And forgiveness goes a long way in healing. It's when people hold onto their stories as a way of justifying their overeating, drinking, drug taking that they never get better—and get depressed.

All of the crutches that we refuse to let go and then believe that no one understands us comes down to this: Millions of people understand what we've been through. Millions of people know exactly what we're talking about. Hiding it helps no one. Relying on it so we can justify remaining bitter, angry, and depressed keeps the cycle going.

I'm tired of hiding my past. I have a friend who openly admits that he was an alcoholic and drug addict in his youth. He doesn't even try to hide it. And what he gets out of that is never having to worry that someone might find out. He doesn't hide behind who he was 20 years ago. I admire his courage. That's what I want to do. Let it go. Purge it. Forgive those who brought me pain. And then live.

Troubles Seem Farther Away

Yesterday I didn't feel like doing anything. Today I worked out twice. Did a little more than two miles this morning. And then did a 20-minute Zumba class at lunch. Plus I signed up for a Boot Camp that starts March 6. I figure that gives me time to get ready for it—or to chicken out. I think I'll be OK though. I'm starting to get the feel for working out again. I just wish there were more classes in the morning.

Thinking of Getting Emotional
I've been thinking about revealing more about my childhood—but not going too far. To get over the pain, you have to face it head on. I'm not talking about dwelling on it. I'm talking about purging it. But I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure what's appropriate and what isn't—at least from my point of view. So my posts may get a little emotional. But not today.

So while I'm thinking about it, I'll stick with some housekeeping kinds of posts. Maybe some days I will have more to say than others. For today, though, this it it. Have a Great Day.

P.S. New article from MSNBC: Obesity Rates Idle as Most of Us Are Already Fat.

Too Moody to Write

I'm in a reflective mood today—I'm finding it hard to focus on anything.

This morning I did not go to the gym, but I did workout at home. Remember Power 90? I did a strength-training workout. It went OK. Yesterday, I seemed to have more motivation than I do today.

I'm sorry I don't have a lot to say. It's just one of those days.

And the Winner Is. . .

First of all, congratulations to the Osbornes--no not Ozzy and Sharon, at least that's what their saying--the winners of the Progresso Soup gift pack I was giving away. Yea! I hope you like it. As you remember, this prize comes directly from Progresso Soup so we'll need to send them the contact information so they can send out the prize. Be patient. It may take a couple of weeks.

Second, I did go to the gym, but I didn't do the pilatesworkout. Why? Because the class was full of young people and I felt intimidated. I did, however, walk for a little more than two miles. I like to walk. I am a little disappointed in myself for not going to pilates. But I didn't want to be the only old person in the class. Ugh. So much for all of my work on my emotions.

Well, this is going to be a long day here at work, so I better cut this short today.  More later. . . .

Keeping Resolutions, Reflecting on Life

I wanted to have something to say today, but I've don't have any revelations to share. In fact, I feel kind of blank. I would like to offer you a link to an article I wrote: Real Ways to Deal with Stress. I has some good ideas about coping with stress.

Continuing to Resolve
I'm working on keeping my resolutions. Tomorrow morning I'm going to start going to a pilates class. I used to do pilates all the time when I was much younger. As I recall, I liked it. On Wednesday, we're having a Zumba demonstration at work. They've asked that we dress comfortably so I guess we get to participate. I'm never really clear on what people mean by demonstrate. Do they mean we're just supposed to watch? Or do they mean we're going to show you how by having you do it?

Still Reflecting
Last week's weather really put me in a funk. I watched another episode of This Emotional Life today--I recorded it. It wasn't actually on. Anyway, one of the points they made was that your happiness depends on you. It comes down to how you deal with life's ups and downs. It depends on your ability to forgive. Your resilience. That's a simple summation of the show, but that was the basic premise. They did say, however, that our social relationships were, in the end, the key to happiness.

I thought about how many times I've laughed out loud when in the company of friends and family. And then how many times I've laughed out loud when I'm alone. I don't think I have to tell you how that comparison worked out. I'm still reflecting on that as well.

Considering Volumetrics

I've been reading some other blogs--like I said I would. And one of the diets people are talking about is the Volumetrics diet. This looks like a plan I could follow. Here's the gist of the plan, according to the New York Post, foods that are high in density (calories) have a lot of calories per bite. Foods low in density provide fewer calories and, therefore, you can eat more of them. So rather than cutting a meal in half, you could eat a large portion of fruit or vegetables for the same amount of calories. You're more satisfied and you lose weight. So, I'm looking into it. I'll let you know how it goes.


Winner Announced Tomorrow
Later today I'm going to draw the winner of my giveaway. I'll announce the winner tomorrow. Also, don't forget: you still have plenty of time to enter the Progresso Souper You contest. I think the prize--a makeover in New York City--is pretty cool.

So that's it for today. But, heck, that's a lot for someone who said she didn't have anything to say.

Allowing the Pain Leads to the Healing

I watched a lot of TV yesterday, and in the process learned more about myself than I have in years.  Through PBS's This Emotional Life, I discovered that my ruminative thinking is not only learned, it's also likely genetic. My mother and father used this kind of thinking—in other words, they dwelled on everything—why didn't you call? Where have you been? Who were you with? And that wasn't just with me. It was with each other.

Memories of Hard Times
In my house, anger, guilt, and depression dominated, and they were accompanied with addictive behaviors—eating and drinking always to excess. There was also a lot of fighting. My parents didn't pay attention to us kids unless it was to scream at us. I took the flack for everyone mostly because I was tired of living like we did. My parents had many hard times, and they tended to take it out on us—but especially me. I was the middle child.  I tried to make peace in the family many times but usually failed. That typically led to me being punished. And this activity was circular.

Why am I talking about this now? Because psychologists now realize that to truly cope with past memories, you have to remember them. You have to face them to understand them and make peace with them.

Biggest Loser Preserves Spirit, Wins Hearts, Faces Challenge 
As I watched Eric Chopin discuss his trials, failures, and disappointments last night, I identified with him more than I've identified with anyone for a very long time. When he said: "I'm just trying to figure who I'm supposed to be on this earth," I thought he was really telling my story. Sometimes I think I've never really known who I am. Ask my friends and family. I often say that I have no idea why I'm still here.

He also talked about having a feeling inside that he would fail. He said he failed. I understand that, too. Sometimes I think I'm so afraid of failing that I don't even want to try.

And he discussed an almost all or nothing attitude. I have that, too. If I'm focused on losing weight, that's my focus. Finding a balance is the healthy way.

The pain in Eric's eyes was undeniable. And I didn't just sympathize with him; I empathized with him. I know what it feels like to have to go through it all over again. But he's mustering up his courage to face the battle, and maybe this time win the war. I pray for him. I feel for him.

Facing My Battle
Well, here I am once again. Am I ready? I'm making myself ready.

TV Line Up Explores Weight Loss Challenges, Emotional Trials

Well, I still have a bad cold. I did not plan on this. Funny, huh? I tried to plan for many things, but it didn't occur to me that I'd get a bad cold. Anyway, I'm home again.

PBS, Discovery Health Deal with Life
I missed Monday night's episode of of the PBS series This Emotional Life because I was sick. But I did record last night's show. I'll watch it today as I lie around the house. Tonight Confessions of a Reality Show Loser will air on the Discovery Health Channel. But there's also another show that looks interesting: Extreme Obesity: A Big Medicine Special. This show deals with people who've had gastric bypasses and then must deal with not only excess skin, but new battles with drug addiction and other eating disorders like anorexia. Anyway, Discovery Health is doing a great job of airing the challenges this country faces with weight.

Don't Forget to Comment to Win Gift Pack
Don't forget to go to my post I Want a Jump Rope to leave your I Want a Jump Rope comment for a chance to win a gift pack from Progresso Soup that includes two cans of soup, a jump rope, and a soup mug. You also can enter their Souper You contest for a chance to win a trip to New York City for a makeover.

And now, I'm going to go lie down.

I Want a Jump Rope

Souper Giveaway
My first post was about the Progresso Souper You contest. I posted about that because they asked me to, and I thought the prize was kinda cool. Also, I wanted to tell you about my contest. Progresso has graciously offered to provide a prize package of two cans of soup, a jump rope, and a soup mug.

To enter my giveaway, just comment on this post and say: I want a jump rope. Comments will be accepted until January 9. And then through a random drawing, I will pick a winner. The winner will be notified January 10. I would need the winner's mailing address, which I will forward to Progresso and they will send the prize package. I will announce the winner on this blog on January 11.

Back to the Gym
I've got a cold. And it sucks. I did, however, make it to the gym this morning. I walked a mile. I also brought my lunch. I posted my exercise on the dailymile. And this week seems to be starting out pretty good.

Keeping a Resolution
According to a new article on MSN 4 Ways to Improve Your Diet and Keep Your New Year's Resolution, people who make a pledge, such as a resolution are 10 times more likely to succeed than those who just want to change. The article also said that people who track their progress are more successful in the long run.

Like to Win a Makeover? And a Trip to New York?

Looking for some motivation to get started on that New Year’s Resolution to lose weight? Why not celebrate the New Year and a new you with Progresso Light and 100 Calorie Soups? From January 4 through March 15 visit Progresso Souper You to enter the Progresso “Souper You Debut” contest, and you might win a full makeover in New York City. All you have to do is submit a short essay (200 words or less) about why your love Progresso Light and 100 Calorie Soups and why you want a makeover.

Progresso Souper You contest judges will pick 10 Finalists and the public will vote to select the winners. Three Grand Prize winners will pack their bags for a trip to New York that includes:

• Airfare for two (2) to New York City
• Accommodations for two (2) in a luxurious Manhattan hotel for three days and two nights
• A head-to-toe makeover from a renowned stylist
• A $1,000 wardrobe shopping spree 

To enter, you’ll need to do the following:

• Go to Progresso Souper You to learn more and enter the contest
• Submit your essay (200 characters or less) telling Progresso why you love Progresso Light or 100 Calorie Soups and why you would like a makeover
• In addition, please submit a photo of yourself that visually reinforces the theme of your essay

Once you enter, you’ll have the chance for your photo and/or an excerpt from your essay to appear on Progesso Souper You, so be sure to check back frequently! Once the 10 finalists are announced, you can visit Progress Souper You from March 29 through April 12 to vote for your favorite.

In addition, throughout the duration of the contest you can visit Progresso Souper You contest to download a coupon for $1 off any three varieties of Progresso Soup!

Honesty Helps and is Appreciated

I tried to leave this as a response to the comments from my last post, but Blogger wouldn't let me. Don't know why. Also, Blogger looks different today. Anyone else notice that? It's also very quirky. But on with my response.   

The Response I Tried to Leave
OK. Here's a real "I'm from the country" response: I think being willing takes a whole lotta want to.

But I understand what you're saying. Somewhere along the line I lost that thing that takes over when you have something really hard to do but somehow find the resources to do even under the most deire circumstances. I'm not even sure that willingness is the right word.

It's another word that I can't think of right now. Something that, maybe, I've long stopped identifying with.

But I do understand what you mean. I've heard people say: Are you willing to get up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym at least five days a week to make this happen? Are you willing to make the food choices necessary to succeed? Yes, I think I am. The thing I'm looking for, however, is something that runs deeper. It's a strength that you can muster up. It's make you say: I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this.

Anyway, working on this blog is really helping me. All of your responses are really helping. Thank you, sincerely. You're making me look at myself from a different angle. And that, my friends, is a good thing.

Confessions of a Foodaholic

Hello, my name is Kathy, and I am a foodaholic. I love to eat. There are so many foods that I love the taste of--chocolate, mashed potatoes and gravy, hamburgers, fried chicken, and the list goes on. I make special trips to the store because I'm craving something. I eat out all of the time because restaurant food is delicious.

I eat for no other reason than there's nothing better to do. I eat ice cream out of the carton. I eat chips out of the bag. I eat alone or with company. I eat like I will never be fed again.

I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I make up reasons to eat. I make up reasons that I deserve this cake, cookie, ice cream, whatever. I get mad because I can't eat whatever I want because I'll gain weight. I believe it isn't fair. Other people get to eat massive amounts of food and don't gain a pound--or at least in my world they don't. If they did, I wouldn't be able to justify my anger.

I quit smoking. Why can't I quit overeating?
Seven years ago I quit smoking. That's right. I used to smoke. I came from an era when everyone smoked. Even Rob and Laura Petrie smoked. (They slept in separate beds so I guess they needed some way to relieve the tension.) Anyway, today I got to thinking. Why was I able to quit smoking? I used patches to quit. So I had a crutch. And that made it easier.

So how can I apply my ability to quit smoking to controlling my food addictions? What was it inside me that gave me the strength to do it? I don't think they make ice cream patches--do they? So what I'm doing is looking for the person inside me who can stop. The person who can make things happen. The person who wants it bad enough.

Stay turned.

P.S. I ran across The Joy Project today. Interesting stuff.