Always on My Mind

Job stress can increase your risk for heart disease. It can also make you fat. My job drives me crazy. But I'll leave it at that.

I managed to workout last night for about 20 minutes. It's better than nothing. I've also been eating much better while I'm at home. Now if I could just stay away from the candy dish at work.

I've had a lot on mind lately. That's why I haven't posted much. It just gets to a point where you don't want to keep saying the same things over and over. I get bored with it as I'm sure you do, too.

Here are a couple of quick thoughts:
1. I think people invented the expression, "There's no proof that chemical is harmful to the environment or human health," so they can continue to pollute whatever they want. Yeah, there's a community where 50 percent of the population has cancer—and it happened after you started dumping crap in the river. But there's no proof that the crap and the cancer are linked. Really?

2. The same is true for statements like: "There's no evidence that children who are bullied grow up to be neurotic adults or that they might commit suicide—even while they are still school." Do we really need a study?

3. I'm a 10-pound sack of potatoes trying to fit into a five-pound sack world.

OK. Those are my thoughts for the day. While not necessarily about losing weight, they do make you think in difference terms.

I Wish I Had Some Magic

Ruby's therapist suggested that she change five things in her life if she was really serious about losing the weight. I thought that seemed like a good idea. So I'm trying to think of five things I can change.

I already park farther from where I'm going to get the extra walking. Stairs are a bit tough with my knees as painful as they are. I guess one thing I could do is not going straight home and watching TV as soon as I get there. I could do some household chores. Another is to drink water instead of diet coke. So I have two. I need three more.

I think I could probably change five things in other areas of my life, too. You know, like what are five things I could change so I could save money? Not eating out—or picking much cheaper places could be one change. Anyway. . . .

Other things on Ruby that hit home with me are her depression and sleep issues. My childhood was pretty tough. Sometimes I think I may be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. But I won't go into detail here.

Exercise this week is not going to be easy. No gym in the morning. I know I need to find a gym that really fits me. But I've been hesitating. I'm afraid I won't be able to afford it. I've been unsuccessfully trying to figure out how to make more money. I wish I had some magic.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a magic wand? Wave it and your troubles disappear. If I had a magic wand, I would change a lot of things—number one my weight problems. Number two—my money problems. I think those are my top two. They're probably the top two for a lot of people. You think?

Skinny on Carbs Has a Giveaway

The Skinny on Carbs is giving away this beautiful bag. Head on over the post a comment to be sure you'll be in the running.

Moral Inventory

I found this list at Bare Foot's World. I thought I would share it with you.

Moral InventoryHere are some things we can ask ourselves.
You can rate yourself 1 - 10 for each, 1 representing No success in that area and 10 means that you are having habitual success.
How am I doing in each of the following virtues?
1. Thankfulness: It is the habit of my life to thank my higher power and others for what they have done...I can honestly say that I am a thankful person and often express my gratitude.
2. Gentleness: My life is free from all outbursts of selfish anger or rage. I am approachable, quiet in spirit, open to criticism, and don't get defensive when I am corrected or rebuked.
3. Humility: I do not have an inflated self-opinion and consistently consider others as equal with myself. I have a teachable spirit and avoid all bragging, name-dropping and spiritual pride.
4. Pure Attitudes: My lifestyle is one of the right relationships, not just outwardly but inwardly too. I have no hate, ill will, malice or bitterness toward any other person anywhere on this earth.
5. Acceptance: I refuse to fight back when people criticize, condemn, reject or complain against me, even if they do it with wrong motives. I practice giving a soft answer to turn away their wrath.
6. Peacemaking: It is my practice to try to bring peace between others who are at odds. I don't just stand by and allow division to fester without trying to get involved to bring peace.
7. Boldness: I have been able to launch out and take risks for my recovery and beliefs, keeping fear under control and taking risks when my higher power calls to me to do something. There is nothing now that My Higher Power is asking me to do which I'm resisting because of fear.
8. Trust: I not only believe, but "act as if" my higher power is guiding my life and situations. My life is one of simple reliance on my Higher Power. I'm free from fretting, worry or anxiety about the future.
9. Persistence: It is normal for me to hang in there, when I am acting in healthy ways, when things get difficult, stressful and unrewarding, even if I must face suffering difficulty and persecution. My persistence keeps me from giving up too easily and I just keep on keeping on.
10. Harmony: I'm not a participant in any group evil, like quarreling, dissension, fighting or factions in my family or in my place of worship, fellowship or work.
11. Submission/Surrender: I do not resist those placed in authority over me, even if they're less competent or gifted. When I "turn my will and life over" to the care of my Higher Power, it means I follow my H.P.'s direction even if I question it at first.
12. Right Relationships: Reflecting on all my relationships past and present, I'm able to say there are no broken relationships with anybody, anywhere, which I have not attempted to straighten out.
13. Giving Living: I regularly practice generous giving to my family, place of worship, AA/NA, and homeless, helpless, widows, orphans, and other needy folk. Generosity is a normal behavior to me.
14. Family Time: It is the routine of my life to control the amount of time I spend in work, pleasure or other activities which take too much time from my family. I obey my spiritual leading and make my Family time the top priority of my relationship life.
15. Forgiveness: If there is an individual or group of people who have hurt me in the past, I release my resentment, bitterness or grudge against them. I have fully forgiven everyone who has ever hurt me.
16. Restoring others: I hurt when temptation overtakes a brother or sister in the fellowship or elsewhere in my life, so I do not avoid or exclude them; rather I often get involved, humbly coming alongside to help them back to their feet spiritually.
17. Restitution: If I've ever taken things which do not belong to me, or hurt people by what I said or did, I have gone back and made restitution for everything my Higher Power has prompted me about so far (knowing that my H.P. would not prompt me to do so if it would cause harm to me or another person).
18. Resisting Materialism: I resist the grasping materialistic lifestyle of my culture, choosing rather to live a life of contentment and satisfaction with what I have. I'm not always "wanting more".
19. Selfish Ambition: I have laid aside all envy and selfish ambition. I have no jealousy of another's success. I do not eagerly hunger to climb the ladder to gain personal power and position.
20. Spiritual Intimacy: It is the routine of my life to spend time alone with my Higher Power each day to read spiritual books, meditate and pray...and beyond that I "practice the presence" of my Higher Power all day long. I'm constantly sensing my Higher Power's surrounding presence in my life like the air I breath.
21. Thought Life: My thought life is absolutely free from all impure thoughts. I have habitual victory over all tempting sexual fantasies, daydreams, or other selfish thoughts. I never get high on "old highs".
22. Living Above Reproach: I painstakingly avoid situations which could feed lustful or selfish desires or even tempt others to gossip about me. I have no dangerous emotional bonds which could lead to trouble. I carefully attend to all my relationships so that not even the hint of impropriety exists.
23. Truthfulness: My yes is yes, my 200 is 200, my five-point buck is a five-point buck, and the fish is whatever size it is. I totally avoid half-truths, white lies, flattery or exaggeration. I practice absolute honesty both in my relationships with others and myself. I do not lie in order to allow myself or others to avoid unpleasant emotions.
24. Tongue Stewardship: I abstain from slander, gossip, harshness, unkindness, biting criticism, caustic remarks, obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking. Instead I use my tongue to build others up, giving words of encouragement, comfort, help, inspiration, and challenge. My tongue is completely under my Higher Power's control.
25. Living my Recovery: I typically share my recovery with both straight and chemically dependent people every time my Higher Power prompts me to do it. Twelfth stepping is a habit of my life.
26. Spiritual Passion: I hunger to become more spiritual and take my spiritual growth seriously. I do not ignore, dismiss or excuse areas where I fall short, even those I have listed above, since I have a spiritual passion for becoming more like my Higher Power would have me be, the I AM of Him.

Bad Knees Make Boot Camp too Hard

Here's the deal: because of my knee problems, I won't be doing the boot camp. I will, however, be going to the gym that's associated with the boot camp and building up the muscles in my hips, thighs, and legs so I can support my knees. My knees were in such bad shape over the weekend, I couldn't really walk around.

Let's face it: I'm not 20 years old. I'm 51. I just couldn't keep up. I'll start at the gym on Friday. My biggest words of wisdom are don't do something that's making you feel worse. That's not the point of exercise.

Made It through the Week

I'm tired and I'm sore. Yesterday, I could barely move. Boot camp is tough. I never knew I could exercise through wishing I could puke. My hamstrings are still tight. That's something I've really got to work on. My knees are killing me. No more running. I can't. I've been using the inversion table, and it helps. But it ain't making the knee pain go away completely.

I've been eating too much. Exercise makes me hungry.

I'm the oldest person in this boot camp. Did I tell you that already? I have 20 years on everyone else. However, I feel obligation to keep up with my younger boot campers. They can run, jump, or whatever they want. I will do what I can do.

Well, more later

Change Yourself before You Have the Nerve to Talk about Someone Else

Between lunges, squats, crunches, and something called suicides, I am so sore today I can hardly move. But it's all good right? When April 23 comes, I'll be in better shape and ready to take on new exercise challenges. And I'm on my way to getting back to "what I never wanted to get up to."

I'd like to get a walk in today.

Eating has been OK.

Obnoxious Men Should be Banned from Society 
Yesterday a friend and I went out for lunch. We were good, getting a grilled chicken salad with the dressing on the side. But while we were there, this guy—who was with a group of guys—was so obnoxious, it was more than rude. He was loudly telling a story of his wife's after-pregnancy stomach flab. He said that her stomach flab hung down eight inches. He went on and on about it. He also said that if he lost 50 pounds, he would in no way look like this. He said it was disgusting.

OK. So let's take a look at him. For him to be even close to fighting weight, he'd have to lose 100 pounds—not 50. He was unshaven and pretty much a mess. He looked like the kind of guy who's butt crack would be on display if he crouched down. He in no way had ever taken care of himself. Yet he thought he had the right to complain about his wife.

I hate men like this. Never for one day have they thought about what they look like, yet they're embarrassed to be seen with a woman who's had children—and their children no less. These kind of men should be taken to the woods and left to live in a cave where even the wild animals don't want anything to do with them. Who do they think they are? They look like overweight grizzly bears and probably smell something similar to that. But they're too good to be seen with a woman who's just had a baby?

I could go on and on, but I'm sure you have the idea. It's the man in the mirror who should change.

Boot Camp Was Tough

Boot camp was hard, and it was exactly what you'd expect—military-style exercise. I used to able to handle this kind of exercise. Today, though, I could hardly catch my breath.

They say muscle has memory. I hope mine doesn't have Alzheimer's.

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks. I want to get back into exercising. I think boot camp will do it.

I hope that over the next few weeks, I'll have more to talk about. I hope I see progress again.

My Articles

Today, I'm just promoting my articles on Suite101.com. Check them out.

I Need a Kick in the Butt

I'm considering the occasional guest blogger. That doesn't mean that I will stop writing. It just means I'm considering the occasional guest blogger.

Next week, boot camp begins. I think I'm really ready. And I hope it kicks my butt back into action. I'm running out of excuses. I do well when I have a set routine. Left to my own devices, I tend to just sit around. I don't want to do that anymore.

It's A Biological Thing

I'm here. I've been reading comments and y'alls blogs. What I have been doing is thinking.

After a very long conversation with my sister last night, we came to realizations. She said, "this is really obsessive-compulsive behavior, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

The lack of focus, motivation, and willpower. The feeling of being overwhelmed. Not knowing where to start. Or turn. Once I get into a routine, I'm OK. But if anything happens that breaks my focus, I'm doomed. It all comes crashing down.

I do my best when I'm on antidepressants. Yeah, they may not be good for everyone, but when the problem is biological it's probably best to do what you need to do.

So, I'm working on getting my shit together. Next week I have to.