Codependent No More

Well, hello. It's been a while. Yes, I've away from blogging for more than a week. But I've been using that time to evaluate my life—to take a physical, emotional, and, yes, a moral inventory. I'm wrapping up therapy, and I am going back to Al-Anon. I had my first meeting yesterday. It was enlightening and powerful.

Yeah, I know. Al-Anon is supposed to be anonymous. And it will be for everyone in my group. I'll never share anything that any of them say. However, I will have no secrets about anything I am doing that helps me move forward and build a better life. I am willing to do whatever it takes. I will disclose what's ailing me. Number one: I am a codependent personality. I seek out people whose life purpose is to suck the life out other people. The drama queens. The addicts. The people whose lives are in constant crisis. Why? Because I think I can fix them. I'm still struggling with a childhood that I couldn't fix. So I try to fix other people. What I'm learning is I'm really the only person I can fix. That's what I intend to do. Fix me.

And I have made progress. I have a much better sense of myself and a better sense of when I'm jumping into a relationship that's all about someone else. I can now catch myself before I fall.

So forgive me if I'm away for long periods. I'm working on creating a new me. And right now I feel more confident than I have in a long time. But I also know that feeling will come and go. And that it's OK. I will try to post something at least once a week—more if I have more to say. But right now, I'm just beginning. But do stay tuned. I hope I say something that will help you, too. 

Love Never Dies

Today is the 18th anniversary of my Mother's passing. I still have trouble believing that she's actually gone—even though I've had 18 years to get used to it.

Mom was, well, something else to put it mildly. She was a character, a singer, a crazy lady, a downer, an upper, an idiot, a genius, a joyous spirit, a depressed loon, a myth maker, an illusion shatterer, a wacky dancer, a tender soul, a mortal enemy, a best friend, and many, many other things. But of all things that she was most of all, she was my mother. And I miss her.

To you Mom, I love you and miss you. 

Still Here

Hey all. I've been involved in a home renovation project, and have had little time. But, it's all good, right? 

Harvested some lettuce from my little container garden last night. Pretty good if I do say so. 

I'll have a more detailed post soon. Just wanted you to know that I'm still around—the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Anyway, I'll be back soon.