Lunchtime Walk

I walked during lunch. That's the first time I've done any activity in a longer time. 

Slaying the Vampires and Demons

I spent most of this past weekend watching season seven of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.OK. So it was a slow weekend. But that's not why I brought it up. You see, on this show Buffy runs around killing vampires and demons because she's a slayer—the one who's job it is to rid the Earth of such evil characters. Anyway, while I watching the show, I realized that vampires and demons are pretty the same wherever they appear. That is, it's their job to suck the life out of you or try to use you in some way. In other words, they're like the vampires and demons we know personally.

Some of the vampires aren't even around anymore, but they made such an impact on our lives that they continue to suck the life out of us in absentia. And the demons, well, they stay stuck in our heads, where they can haunt us daily. It's the demons' job to remind us we aren't good enough, pretty enough, or in any other way worthwhile. The demon says, "Go ahead and eat that chocolate bar. What difference is it going to make anyway? It's not like losing weight is going to make you any smarter, is it dear?" Or, "Here you go again you big pig. Why don't you just eat the whole loaf of bread? Your family really doesn't need any, do they?" Yeah, the demons keep us in our place, don't they?

Barry was forced to confront his personal demons.

Anyway, it was while I was watching Buffy that I realized demons really aren't telling the truth. They never do—the demons on Buffy, Biblical demons, and, yes, the demons that stay in our heads. And they never will tell the truth. All of the demons in your head are there to keep you from enjoying your life and becoming who you want to be.

They are there to keep you addicted to food or whatever your drug of choice of is. They're there to make you think you're not good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough.

So how do we exorcise them? How do we get them out? Well, first, we've got to recognize that they are lying. Next, I think and I'm still working on this, is to get to the source of their creation, figure out their achilles heal, and destroy them. And that's the hard part. Because as we all know, demons have a way of resurrecting themselves.

Now for the vampires. They're a little easier to kill. You can drive a stake through their heart, or, better yet, bring them out into the light. Once you see them in the light of day, they tend to lose their power.

OK. So maybe this post was a little hokey. But I wanted to make a point. The things that drive us to distraction can be tamed. It takes some work, but it can be done. 

Meditation Improves health

Whether it’s a hard day at work, a long line of traffic, or a disagreement with a significant other, humans suffer from stress virtually everyday. And when stress becomes a factor, the body reacts instinctively, producing hormones that create the “fight or flight” response.

These hormones — epinephrine, norepinephrine, and cortisol — increase heart rate, trigger glucose release, and reduce immune response, according to the National Institutes of Health and many other sources.

The physical reactions to stress include headache, dry mouth, difficulty swallowing, rapid heartbeat, nausea, cold hands, lack of concentration, difficulty sleeping, certain food cravings, and angry outbursts. It also can affect memory, cognition, and attentiveness. It’s no wonder too much stress can be at the bottom of long-term health issues.

To combat health problems, people want effective solutions to dealing with stress. Mediation appears to be at least one answer. New studies reveal that meditation not only reduces stress and anxiety, it improves brain function.

Meditation Regulates Stress
Researchers from China and the University of Oregon conducted a five-day experiment about a meditation training technique called integrative body-mind training (IBMT), according to an October 9, 2007 Science Daily report. The study, done in China, provided IBMT to an experimental group and relaxation training to a control group.

Both groups were subjected to tests that involved attention and reaction to mental stress. While the control group did show some improvement in its ability to react to stressing stimuli, the experimental group showed significant improvement in stress regulation, including lower levels of anxiety, depression, anger, and fatigue.

Meditation Improves Brain Function
In a study that Harvard Medical School conducted, researchers found that long-term meditation practice may alter resting electroencephalogram patterns, suggesting that meditation might affect the brain's physical structure. Researchers in this study used magnetic resonance imaging — an MRI — to measure the cortical thickness of 20 participants with extensive Insight Meditation experience, which involves focused attention to internal experiences.

Study participants showed an increase in cortical thickness. The cerebral cortex is the sheet of neural tissue that makes up the outermost part of the brain and is associated with memory, awareness, attention, thought, language, and consciousness. It is the part of the brain commonly referred to as grey matter, according to the Harvard Medical School study.

One of the most encouraging details from this study is that older study participants showed the most difference in cortical thickness, suggesting that meditation might offset the cortical thinning associated with aging. This data suggests that regular meditation practice may ward off Alzheimer's and age-related dementia.

Further, the data demonstrated a correlation between meditation experience and cortical thickness, providing evidence that long-term meditation practice improved brain structure.

Meditation Improves Health
Meditation can improve health and brain function. Making it a regular habit is a good investment in reducing stress,increasing memory, and warding off depression. Numerous resources are available on the Internet that demonstrate how to meditate and include step-by-step instructions.


Originally published on Suite101.com.

It's What's Eating You

Are you codependent? I am. Just the other day, I told someone that to feel validated in life I have to feel like I'm needed. Geez. I'm not saying that it isn't OK to want to be needed. It's just when that becomes your primary reason for survival, well, it could be a tad over the top. (Sigh.)

I grew up with an alcoholic—my Dad. I eventually married an alcoholic (before that I lived with one). My entire life, I have been drawn to people I can take care of. And that's one of the giveaway traits of a codependent personality. Needing to be needed.

I've been trying to examine how being codependent is related to being overweight or obese. I believe there is a direct connection. Many codependent people have low self esteem. And many overweight people have low self esteem. Maybe I stay fat so I won't have to deal with life. Does my obsession with food come from being codependent? Is food my own drug of choice? Does that come from a life of dysfunction? Or is it all just an excuse to eat?

Addicted to Food
I watched the first part of Addicted to Food on OWN last night. I relate to the people on that show. Hiding behind a wall of fat is safe place. Sometimes it's hard to believe that a cupcake could be more important than my health, but it so often is. I was bulimic when I was younger. I stayed thin through purging. I no longer purge. Now, I'm a compulsive overeater.

I think I would like to go to Shades of Hope. Tennie says she puts your disease right in your face. In my own therapy, it's been hard admitting to a lot of things I've done to stay in a comfort zone. Right now, even though I want to lose weight, I don't want to give up the foods that make me feel safe—ice cream, cake, bologna, bread, and the like. Maybe being forced to give it up would help. I don't know. I'd like to try.

On the show, the staff at Shades of Hope also said, It's what you're eating. It's what's eating you. How do I figure that out on my own? OK. I know I'm codependent. I know I'm also an addict. I guess that's the beginning, isn't it?

I know this post is confusing. There's too much going on. But that's where my head is. 

In Search of God

As I go through life trying to figure myself out—and why I can't seem to let go of my food addictions—I decided this would be a good time to get more spiritual. So I'm looking for God in my life. It's always seemed to me that I could find God in other people's lives, but never my own. I figured God forgot about me. Then I read some of the Bible. And from what it says, it seems that I would be exactly the kind of person Jesus would want to hang around with—you know, someone who isn't sure that God even knows she exists.

Jesus seems like a really good guy. And I think His message has been garbled over time. I'd like to get to His real message to help in my own struggles. You know, God loves everybody not just a few. 

There in lies the rub. . . .

So where does that leave me in my search? Still confused. I know my life is fortunate. I could be living in complete poverty. But I have a house, and I'm warm. I have plenty of food to eat—too much food, in fact. That's been a problem, huh? Most days, though, I'm still lost.

I decided that I have to make this search for God the last one I'll go through. What I've realized is that I've been looking for God my entire life. And I have some questions:

• Do I believe in God? Yes. I believe God exists.
• Do I know how to find God? No. 
• Is God the Christian God? Or is God a God for all people? I think He would be there everybody. Don't you?
• Does God really hear prayers? Does God really answer prayers? I don't know.
• How do you let go and give your life to God? I don't know. 

So I'm struggling with the answers. If you have ever had an experience that you can honestly say had to be the hand of God, how did that make you feel? Was it an epiphany? Or was it a seemingly everyday event that only after it happened made you think it had to be God's work? Please tell me. I want to know. I want to know God. And I want to know how to bring Him into my life. 

Here are a few more questions: Why is going to church important? Is this a requirement of God's or Man's? Doesn't the Bible say where two or more gather in my name, it's a church. If that's true, then why is a formal church required? Is there something in the scriptures that explains this? If so, where? Chapter and verse? 

Anyway, along with my struggle to overcome food addictions, I'm searching for a higher power. I want to use God, counseling, and anything else that might help. i want the rest of my life to be the best it can possibly be. Thanks for listening—or reading as the case may be. 

Compulsive Eating and Substance Dependence Share Similar Brain Patterns

Compulsive Eating and Substance Dependence Share Similar Brain Patterns

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

Yesterday was my first visit to the counselor. So how did it go? OK. My assignment is to get in touch with my feelings. She gave me an outline of typical feelings from low to intense. I figured out that I don't really get intense—at least not anymore. My feelings stay pretty much low level—they do get to a moderate stage sometimes—and they aren't necessarily the feelings I want.

One thing I noticed from the grid she gave me is that there are a lot more words to describe bad feelings than there are to describe good feelings. Whether that's true for the entire vocabulary, I couldn't say. It is true for this grid, however.  But I guess if I were happy all of the time, I wouldn't be in the place I am, would I?

Looking at the grid, my last truly intense feeling was "grief stricken." That is a feeling I don't want to go through again.

What do I feel right now? Hmmm. Kind of a low level discontent. Sort of irritated. Alone. And a little bit insecure. Am I craving anything right now? Potato chips. Will these potato chips fill a void other than my stomach? Probably not. Why do I crave salt when I'm depressed? That's something I will need to examine. I do believe I'm always kind of depressed.