Running on Empty

It's been a while since I've been here. I've read some other blogs where the authors are expressing their "blog fatigue." They say they are tired of blogging or just Internet fatigued in general. I, too, am facing a similar such fate. I'm running on empty.

For me, it gets hard to come up with something that doesn't sound like whining. I want my blog to be informative or at least a little new and fresh. But lately, I can't think of a thing to say that I believe anyone else would care about. I haven't even talked about anything weight related topics in ages. I'm stuck.

And so it goes. I'll probably continue to check in sporadically as I have been. And with any luck, I'll get my mojo back before the holidays.

Tongue Tied Tuesday

I'm having some problems coming up with something clever to say. So I stole this from someone else.

If Profanity Bothers You, Don't Look at This

I laughed until I cried. 

Check Your Shampoo Label

A friend sent me this joke this morning. I love it. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Check your shampoo bottle label.

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!! It’s the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,

FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY!

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!!

Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Their label reads,

DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.

Problem Solved!!!

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!!!

You Just Get Older

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find things to complain about. I'm not saying my life is perfect—it's just why spend so much time complaining when I could be doing something about it. And that's what I'm trying to do. Do something about it, that is.

Next week I will be 53 years old. I say this every year, but I'll say it again: I never thought I'd be this old. Funny. When I was younger, I thought I'd be having 53-year-old thoughts. But I don't. I'm still just me. OK. Sometimes I worry I might have a heart attack or a stroke or something. But, in all, I'm the same person I've been for years—maybe a little wiser. But the same. That gets me every year, too. The way I'm just the same. You'll see that as you get older. If you're 20 now, don't fool yourself into thinking that somehow you'll have start having some weird 50-year-old thoughts someday. It won't happen. You will just be you.

You won't suddenly become grandmotherly or grandfatherly as the case may be. You won't suddenly have urges to bake cupcakes—I mean if you never did before. You will just be you. The person you are.

As a disclaimer, I will say, yes, some of you ideas and actions will mature. You probably won't stay up all night—unless you're going through menopause and can't sleep. But then that isn't a choice.

Anyway, I could go on. But I'm trying to make a point. And that is: you don't make drastic changes in your personality. You're just older. 

Emotional Eating

Foodie Getting Fit wrote a post about emotional eating recently. I'm posting it here for you. I hope you find something that helps you.

One More and That's Enough

OK. One more dream experience, then I'm done. Last night I dreamed I couldn't move. I thought I was being held down by a demon. I thought it had me completely wrapped up in it's clutches. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't scream for help. It was like my voice had been blocked.

Now, I've had enough experience with dreams to know that this was sleep paralysis. However, I can't get away from the fact that this is how I feel right now—paralyzed. I can't make anything happen. I can't get going on anything. I feel like my world is ready to fall apart. I used to be able to make my life into what I wanted it to be. I'm not saying that everything I wanted came easily—but I didn't have fear that I have now. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped under the debris that my poor decisions have left behind. But enough of that.

I am working hard to put myself into a positive mindset. I want to believe that I can make my life into what I want it to be.

So I can't think of anything else right now. Short sweet post—and my determination to break free and become who I want to  be. 

Another Dream

I've been having some vivid dreams lately so I want to write them down—mostly so I won't forget and can then try to draw some insight from them. Anyway, last night I dreamed I was offered a new job out of the blue. The woman who would be my new boss told me she was impressed by me and wanted me to start working for her—right away.

I was kind of puzzled as to why she thought I was so great—and I was kind of afraid of changing to a new a job. What about my current job? What if I couldn't do this new job? However, the new job was something I would much prefer doing. It had to do with health and weight issues. It came with many benefits as well—lie built in nutrition and exercise. Still I had this fear of change.

I kept looking back at my old job and thinking that it had been the only thing I had done for years. What if I really couldn't separate myself from it? How could I just leave it?

Then for whatever reason, I said to myself, "Kathy you would be a fool not to take this new job. It is everything you've wanted in a job. And it can help you build yourself into the person you want to be." And so I took the job. That was the end of the dream as I woke up.

OK. the night before the dream was about having the keys I needed—you know, even though I thought I lost my keys I knew who had the keys I needed. Last night it was about being offered something very appealing totally unexpectedly that would make my life into what I want it to be. I'm definitely on board for that.

Another thing, when I woke up from last night's dream I was very disappointed that I woke up into my life as it is now. Sigh. 

Losing the Keys Dream

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1047/1073693834_b7e693f2ac_z.jpg

Last night, I dreamed I lost my car keys. I had locked the car—and I think I left it running. So the keys must've been in the car. But I couldn't find a key to get back in. And for some reason my car was really one of those giant pick-up trucks, which I  wouldn't drive. But this is a dream so . . . Anyway, I searched everywhere I could think of, but no luck. So I decided to go about my business—and worry about the keys when I needed them. And that surely happened.

Then some old boyfriend showed up. At first I thought about getting back into a relationship with him, but he didn't want to. Then I realized that I didn't want it either. It just seemed like a way to get home. Then I checked a key ring in my purse, but the keys weren't there. Then I poured all of the contents out of my purse and thought for moment I had found them. But again no. The illusive keys disappeared before I can get them in my hand.

Then, a revelation hit me. I had given spare keys to a number of people.  In fact, at least five people had keys. I could remember who had them—all I had to do was ask. Why hadn't I remembered that before? Why did I always forget that these people had keys? If I could remember that, I wouldn't have to go through this all the time.

Anyway, I think I know what this means in my life. I keep going through the same problem over and over, and I forget that I know where the keys are to solve it.

Have you ever dreamed that you lost your keys? 

Viva la Vida

I love this song.

Letters To God

I was wondering about the things that other people pray for. So I started looking around the web and found a few letters to God. I was surprised at how many people pray for things that are similar to my own requests to the Lord. As it turns out, a lot of people want God's help.

I have written numerous "God, Please help me," letters and said many of those prayers. Have you ever asked God for help? Have you ever written a letter to God? I started a simple poll—it's to the right of this post. I'm not trying to be intrusive. I'm just wondering. Also, do believe that God has answered your prayer or letter? 

Too Much Candy May Cause More (Or Less) Than You Bargained For

Over the weekend, my five-year-old nephew said to me, "When old people eat too much candy, they get feet like stumps." OK. I'm sure he was referring to his grandfather who had to have half of his foot amputated because of gangrene due to diabetes.

Later when I told my brother about the nephew's observations, we pondered whether the nephew had come to this conclusion on his own, or whether someone told him, "That's what happens when you eat too candy," in an effort to spare the child of nightmares about doctors and hospitals—or just thinking he was too young to understand.

Then I said, "Well, I think it would be even more horrifying to think 'that's just what happens.' You know, one too many Hershey's kisses, and it turns into a scene from the Wizard of Oz. Suddenly, your feet just shrivel up right in front of you."

And now, every time I think of "feet like stumps," I laugh out loud. Even though, it isn't really that funny, if you really think about it.

And that was the funniest thing that happened to me this weekend. 

And Almost a Month Later. . . .

I'm still at a loss for words. My life's path remains unclear. Some days, I'm very confused. Other days, I feel OK. But it isn't anything anyone else hasn't faced. And there is a solution to all of life's problems. At least I know that much.

Hope all of you are well.

The writers of nondiet.com keep sending me links to their articles. And I checked out their site. It seems legit. You may find some tidbits of information there. I hope you enjoy it.

That's all for now. 

I'll Be Right Back

Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned. It's been 20 days since my last confession. . . .

And as hokey as that opening is, it's the best I can do right now.

It's sad when the top Google search that brought at least some hits to your blog is "pictures of monkeys." Yes, that's what I said.  

I'm still in the mist of a deep soul search. I'm getting closer to coming up for air, but not quite.

Be assured that I'm still around, and even though I may not comment on your blog, I probably read it. Stay positive.

Oh Happy Day

I absolutely love this song. Enjoy!

Caylee's Law—Sign Petition Now

It has been 21 days since my last post. A lot has happened in my life and in the news. Things that have affected me—the Casey Anthony verdict. Who saw that coming? I have decided that there are some cases that God chooses to prosecute himself, and that his wisdom is far superior to mine.

If you have not had a chance to sign the petition for Caylee's Law—please do so. This law will make it a crime to not report a missing child within a reasonable amount of time. Right now, there are nearly 700,000 signatures on this petition, and the states of Florida, Oklahoma, New York, and West Virginia have proposed legislation in response to this petition. Make your voice heard in this critical campaign.

That's my main reason for posting today.

Codependent No More

Well, hello. It's been a while. Yes, I've away from blogging for more than a week. But I've been using that time to evaluate my life—to take a physical, emotional, and, yes, a moral inventory. I'm wrapping up therapy, and I am going back to Al-Anon. I had my first meeting yesterday. It was enlightening and powerful.

Yeah, I know. Al-Anon is supposed to be anonymous. And it will be for everyone in my group. I'll never share anything that any of them say. However, I will have no secrets about anything I am doing that helps me move forward and build a better life. I am willing to do whatever it takes. I will disclose what's ailing me. Number one: I am a codependent personality. I seek out people whose life purpose is to suck the life out other people. The drama queens. The addicts. The people whose lives are in constant crisis. Why? Because I think I can fix them. I'm still struggling with a childhood that I couldn't fix. So I try to fix other people. What I'm learning is I'm really the only person I can fix. That's what I intend to do. Fix me.

And I have made progress. I have a much better sense of myself and a better sense of when I'm jumping into a relationship that's all about someone else. I can now catch myself before I fall.

So forgive me if I'm away for long periods. I'm working on creating a new me. And right now I feel more confident than I have in a long time. But I also know that feeling will come and go. And that it's OK. I will try to post something at least once a week—more if I have more to say. But right now, I'm just beginning. But do stay tuned. I hope I say something that will help you, too. 

Love Never Dies

Today is the 18th anniversary of my Mother's passing. I still have trouble believing that she's actually gone—even though I've had 18 years to get used to it.

Mom was, well, something else to put it mildly. She was a character, a singer, a crazy lady, a downer, an upper, an idiot, a genius, a joyous spirit, a depressed loon, a myth maker, an illusion shatterer, a wacky dancer, a tender soul, a mortal enemy, a best friend, and many, many other things. But of all things that she was most of all, she was my mother. And I miss her.

To you Mom, I love you and miss you. 

Still Here

Hey all. I've been involved in a home renovation project, and have had little time. But, it's all good, right? 

Harvested some lettuce from my little container garden last night. Pretty good if I do say so. 

I'll have a more detailed post soon. Just wanted you to know that I'm still around—the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Anyway, I'll be back soon. 

Making Decisions

It's been a while since I've been here. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I think I have decided not to do the Lap Band. I just keep having this nagging feeling that I have to try one more time on my own. And I keep having this nagging feeling that this is surgery I wouldn't do well with. I already have stomach problems, and after I went out to lunch with some friends yesterday, I was convinced that any kind of bariatric surgery would be a mistake. Not because they talked me out it. It was when my stomach suddenly started churning for no reason other than I had eaten something. Ever since i had the gallbladder surgery, I've had stomach issues. sometimes it comes on suddenly—like yesterday. Sometimes it builds up overtime. Anyway, you get the picture.

I'm winning!

OK, what am I going to do then? Get back into logging in to Sparkpeople.com for one. That'll be a start. And if I would just exercise, I'd be more than half way there. What I need is a workout partner. Someone I'm comfortable with that I can count on. When I did my absolute best was when I had workout partner. So how do I find someone? Advertise? Any suggestions? I checked the WV teams on Sparkpeople.com, but people don't seem to be consistent. I don't know where else to look. Also, I'd the person to be close to my age and preferably female—just for the sake of having more common interests. Men tend to try to win all the time. And I'm not in the mood for stroking egos. This is about me. Anyway, you get the picture here, too.

I'm also still trying to use therapy. I want to give that a fighting chance. Anyway, more when I figure out who I am.

Another Cold/flu/virus

Got another cold/flu/virus. It's the weather. It's keeping the germs active in the dampness. Ugh. I haven't done much this week. I haven't felt like it. But things will be moving along soon. 

Two More Miles

Walked another two miles with some co-workers who walk virtually everyday. I wangled myself a standing invite. Thanks Paul and Terry.

Walking

Walked with a friend at lunch time today. Feel good now. 

Heal Your Life

Sorry I haven't been around as much. I've been fighting a sinus infection that moved into my ears and glands. I'm taking an antibiotic, and feeling a little better. But this has definitely been a challenge—lightheadedness making me out of balance, leading to nausea, and fatigue. Yuk.

So, I hope to be back into the game soon. I just wanted you to know that I'm still here.

Heal Your Life
Before I go here's something I read recently that hit the mark with me: Women who hold onto pounds hold onto their dreams. Kinda odd, but think about it for a minute. For all the dreams you haven't given up on, you've held onto the pounds on your body. Isn't it time to let it go? Check out Heal Your Life for a six-week Diet Wars way to stop emotional eating and end the dieting roller coaster once and for all. 

Award Season

Yea! I got an award from a fellow blogger. Thank you Hyla at the Bloggest Loser. Go to Hyla's site to get the code for the award. 


Hyla created this award to acknowledge the hard work that many of us have been doing and to congratulate all of the scale and non scale victories!  


Pass this onto your fellow bloggers who are working hard, everyone deserves to be recognized for their hard work!


Rules:
Post the award and a link to the blogger you received it from.
Name 3 things you have found the hardest on your journey.
Name 5 things you have enjoyed about your journey.
Pass the award on!
Notify the bloggers you have given the award to!

1. This Old Woman Says What?.
2.  I'm Losing It.
3. Losing Weight after 45 is a Bitch
4. SkinnyHollie. 
5. My Journey to Fit: A Forty-Somethings Weight Loss Journey 
6.  Katie J is on Her Way. 
7.  A Walk in the Park. 

The three things that I've found to be the hardest in my personal journey:

1. Keeping track of what I've eaten, 
2. Resisting my trigger foods, and 
3. Gaining back weight that I've lost.

Five things that I've enjoyed:

1. Blogging and the blogging network. I've made some real friends along the way. 
2. Figuring out that I can do it. I just need to figure out how to stay positive.
3. The way good, hard exercise makes you feel after you've done it. There's nothing like a good sweat.
4. Figuring out that it's OK to just be quiet.
5. Learning to live in the present.

Lunchtime Walk

I walked during lunch. That's the first time I've done any activity in a longer time. 

Slaying the Vampires and Demons

I spent most of this past weekend watching season seven of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.OK. So it was a slow weekend. But that's not why I brought it up. You see, on this show Buffy runs around killing vampires and demons because she's a slayer—the one who's job it is to rid the Earth of such evil characters. Anyway, while I watching the show, I realized that vampires and demons are pretty the same wherever they appear. That is, it's their job to suck the life out of you or try to use you in some way. In other words, they're like the vampires and demons we know personally.

Some of the vampires aren't even around anymore, but they made such an impact on our lives that they continue to suck the life out of us in absentia. And the demons, well, they stay stuck in our heads, where they can haunt us daily. It's the demons' job to remind us we aren't good enough, pretty enough, or in any other way worthwhile. The demon says, "Go ahead and eat that chocolate bar. What difference is it going to make anyway? It's not like losing weight is going to make you any smarter, is it dear?" Or, "Here you go again you big pig. Why don't you just eat the whole loaf of bread? Your family really doesn't need any, do they?" Yeah, the demons keep us in our place, don't they?

Barry was forced to confront his personal demons.

Anyway, it was while I was watching Buffy that I realized demons really aren't telling the truth. They never do—the demons on Buffy, Biblical demons, and, yes, the demons that stay in our heads. And they never will tell the truth. All of the demons in your head are there to keep you from enjoying your life and becoming who you want to be.

They are there to keep you addicted to food or whatever your drug of choice of is. They're there to make you think you're not good enough, pretty enough, or thin enough.

So how do we exorcise them? How do we get them out? Well, first, we've got to recognize that they are lying. Next, I think and I'm still working on this, is to get to the source of their creation, figure out their achilles heal, and destroy them. And that's the hard part. Because as we all know, demons have a way of resurrecting themselves.

Now for the vampires. They're a little easier to kill. You can drive a stake through their heart, or, better yet, bring them out into the light. Once you see them in the light of day, they tend to lose their power.

OK. So maybe this post was a little hokey. But I wanted to make a point. The things that drive us to distraction can be tamed. It takes some work, but it can be done. 

Meditation Improves health

Whether it’s a hard day at work, a long line of traffic, or a disagreement with a significant other, humans suffer from stress virtually everyday. And when stress becomes a factor, the body reacts instinctively, producing hormones that create the “fight or flight” response.

These hormones — epinephrine, norepinephrine, and cortisol — increase heart rate, trigger glucose release, and reduce immune response, according to the National Institutes of Health and many other sources.

The physical reactions to stress include headache, dry mouth, difficulty swallowing, rapid heartbeat, nausea, cold hands, lack of concentration, difficulty sleeping, certain food cravings, and angry outbursts. It also can affect memory, cognition, and attentiveness. It’s no wonder too much stress can be at the bottom of long-term health issues.

To combat health problems, people want effective solutions to dealing with stress. Mediation appears to be at least one answer. New studies reveal that meditation not only reduces stress and anxiety, it improves brain function.

Meditation Regulates Stress
Researchers from China and the University of Oregon conducted a five-day experiment about a meditation training technique called integrative body-mind training (IBMT), according to an October 9, 2007 Science Daily report. The study, done in China, provided IBMT to an experimental group and relaxation training to a control group.

Both groups were subjected to tests that involved attention and reaction to mental stress. While the control group did show some improvement in its ability to react to stressing stimuli, the experimental group showed significant improvement in stress regulation, including lower levels of anxiety, depression, anger, and fatigue.

Meditation Improves Brain Function
In a study that Harvard Medical School conducted, researchers found that long-term meditation practice may alter resting electroencephalogram patterns, suggesting that meditation might affect the brain's physical structure. Researchers in this study used magnetic resonance imaging — an MRI — to measure the cortical thickness of 20 participants with extensive Insight Meditation experience, which involves focused attention to internal experiences.

Study participants showed an increase in cortical thickness. The cerebral cortex is the sheet of neural tissue that makes up the outermost part of the brain and is associated with memory, awareness, attention, thought, language, and consciousness. It is the part of the brain commonly referred to as grey matter, according to the Harvard Medical School study.

One of the most encouraging details from this study is that older study participants showed the most difference in cortical thickness, suggesting that meditation might offset the cortical thinning associated with aging. This data suggests that regular meditation practice may ward off Alzheimer's and age-related dementia.

Further, the data demonstrated a correlation between meditation experience and cortical thickness, providing evidence that long-term meditation practice improved brain structure.

Meditation Improves Health
Meditation can improve health and brain function. Making it a regular habit is a good investment in reducing stress,increasing memory, and warding off depression. Numerous resources are available on the Internet that demonstrate how to meditate and include step-by-step instructions.


Originally published on Suite101.com.

It's What's Eating You

Are you codependent? I am. Just the other day, I told someone that to feel validated in life I have to feel like I'm needed. Geez. I'm not saying that it isn't OK to want to be needed. It's just when that becomes your primary reason for survival, well, it could be a tad over the top. (Sigh.)

I grew up with an alcoholic—my Dad. I eventually married an alcoholic (before that I lived with one). My entire life, I have been drawn to people I can take care of. And that's one of the giveaway traits of a codependent personality. Needing to be needed.

I've been trying to examine how being codependent is related to being overweight or obese. I believe there is a direct connection. Many codependent people have low self esteem. And many overweight people have low self esteem. Maybe I stay fat so I won't have to deal with life. Does my obsession with food come from being codependent? Is food my own drug of choice? Does that come from a life of dysfunction? Or is it all just an excuse to eat?

Addicted to Food
I watched the first part of Addicted to Food on OWN last night. I relate to the people on that show. Hiding behind a wall of fat is safe place. Sometimes it's hard to believe that a cupcake could be more important than my health, but it so often is. I was bulimic when I was younger. I stayed thin through purging. I no longer purge. Now, I'm a compulsive overeater.

I think I would like to go to Shades of Hope. Tennie says she puts your disease right in your face. In my own therapy, it's been hard admitting to a lot of things I've done to stay in a comfort zone. Right now, even though I want to lose weight, I don't want to give up the foods that make me feel safe—ice cream, cake, bologna, bread, and the like. Maybe being forced to give it up would help. I don't know. I'd like to try.

On the show, the staff at Shades of Hope also said, It's what you're eating. It's what's eating you. How do I figure that out on my own? OK. I know I'm codependent. I know I'm also an addict. I guess that's the beginning, isn't it?

I know this post is confusing. There's too much going on. But that's where my head is. 

In Search of God

As I go through life trying to figure myself out—and why I can't seem to let go of my food addictions—I decided this would be a good time to get more spiritual. So I'm looking for God in my life. It's always seemed to me that I could find God in other people's lives, but never my own. I figured God forgot about me. Then I read some of the Bible. And from what it says, it seems that I would be exactly the kind of person Jesus would want to hang around with—you know, someone who isn't sure that God even knows she exists.

Jesus seems like a really good guy. And I think His message has been garbled over time. I'd like to get to His real message to help in my own struggles. You know, God loves everybody not just a few. 

There in lies the rub. . . .

So where does that leave me in my search? Still confused. I know my life is fortunate. I could be living in complete poverty. But I have a house, and I'm warm. I have plenty of food to eat—too much food, in fact. That's been a problem, huh? Most days, though, I'm still lost.

I decided that I have to make this search for God the last one I'll go through. What I've realized is that I've been looking for God my entire life. And I have some questions:

• Do I believe in God? Yes. I believe God exists.
• Do I know how to find God? No. 
• Is God the Christian God? Or is God a God for all people? I think He would be there everybody. Don't you?
• Does God really hear prayers? Does God really answer prayers? I don't know.
• How do you let go and give your life to God? I don't know. 

So I'm struggling with the answers. If you have ever had an experience that you can honestly say had to be the hand of God, how did that make you feel? Was it an epiphany? Or was it a seemingly everyday event that only after it happened made you think it had to be God's work? Please tell me. I want to know. I want to know God. And I want to know how to bring Him into my life. 

Here are a few more questions: Why is going to church important? Is this a requirement of God's or Man's? Doesn't the Bible say where two or more gather in my name, it's a church. If that's true, then why is a formal church required? Is there something in the scriptures that explains this? If so, where? Chapter and verse? 

Anyway, along with my struggle to overcome food addictions, I'm searching for a higher power. I want to use God, counseling, and anything else that might help. i want the rest of my life to be the best it can possibly be. Thanks for listening—or reading as the case may be. 

Compulsive Eating and Substance Dependence Share Similar Brain Patterns

Compulsive Eating and Substance Dependence Share Similar Brain Patterns

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

Yesterday was my first visit to the counselor. So how did it go? OK. My assignment is to get in touch with my feelings. She gave me an outline of typical feelings from low to intense. I figured out that I don't really get intense—at least not anymore. My feelings stay pretty much low level—they do get to a moderate stage sometimes—and they aren't necessarily the feelings I want.

One thing I noticed from the grid she gave me is that there are a lot more words to describe bad feelings than there are to describe good feelings. Whether that's true for the entire vocabulary, I couldn't say. It is true for this grid, however.  But I guess if I were happy all of the time, I wouldn't be in the place I am, would I?

Looking at the grid, my last truly intense feeling was "grief stricken." That is a feeling I don't want to go through again.

What do I feel right now? Hmmm. Kind of a low level discontent. Sort of irritated. Alone. And a little bit insecure. Am I craving anything right now? Potato chips. Will these potato chips fill a void other than my stomach? Probably not. Why do I crave salt when I'm depressed? That's something I will need to examine. I do believe I'm always kind of depressed. 

What Would You Regret?

If you had 24 hours left to live, what would you most regret? According to an article in the New York Times, most people regret a lost romanic opportunity. Other top regrets were education, career, and health issues to name a few.

While I have a few regrets, my biggest one is that my thyroid disease wasn't found sooner. I regret that I gained so much weight because of it. I regret that I always felt too tired, too stressed out, and too frustrated because of it. So, for me, health is a big regret.

What about you? 

5 Real Ways to Deal with Stress

Stress is a normal part of life. A little stress can be a good thing—helping maintain focus and logical thought processes. But too much stress can be overwhelming, and it can eventually lead to physical ailments, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and digestive disorders. "In fact, it's been estimated that as many as 90 percent of doctor's visits are for symptoms that are at least partially related to stress," says Elizabeth A. Scott, guide for stress.about.com. And stress has many sources.

Five Ways to Beat Stress 
Work, kids, finances, health, and, yes, even the weather are just a few of the reasons people experience stress. And most folks would prefer a little less—or at least some real ways to deal with it. Here are five proven ways to manage stress:

1. Play a musical instrument. For years we’ve known that listening to music can calm us when we’re upset. Now, however, according to a 2005 study at the Mind-Body Wellness Center in Meadville, PA, researchers have discovered that playing an instrument can reverse a multitude of components related to stress. More good news is that people don’t have to be musically inclined to benefit. Lead researcher Barry Bitman, M.D. noted that creative expression rather than performance or mastery reduced biological responses closely related to heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and inflammatory diseases.

2. Exercise. Regular exercise such as walking, yoga, and Pilates relieve stress hormones like cortisol. It also releases endorphins, which are known to relieve pain and produce a runners’ high. “It's meditation in movement,” says the Mayo Clinic. “After a fast-paced game of racquetball or several laps in the pool, you'll often find that you've forgotten the day's dilemmas and irritations and concentrated only on your body's movement.”

3. Laugh. “We’ve known for years that laughter makes people feel better and feel more relaxed,” says Charles Raison, M.D., Director, Behavioral Immunology Program, Emory University School of Medicine in a February 2008 ABC online article. “There was recently a study done in Japan that showed that if you look at allergic children, when they listen to their mother laugh, they actually have less of an allergic response.” A good belly laugh lifts mood, immune response, and it’s contagious. Laugh and world laughs, too.

4. Write. Journaling about troubling issues can be liberating. “It may help to write about things that are bothering you,” says WebMD. “Write for 10 to 15 minutes a day about stressful events and how they made you feel. Or think about starting a stress journal. This helps you find out what is causing your stress and how much stress you feel. After you know, you can find better ways to cope.”

5. Meditate. One of the best ways to relax is to clear the mind of thoughts and focus on the things that are happening right now in the present moment. The idea is to note experiences without trying to change them. WebMD offers the following suggestions to help make meditation successful:

• Sit in a comfortable position in a chair or on the floor. Or lie down, if that is more comfortable. 
• Everyone’s mind will wander. Don’t worry about it. Simply focus again on the present moment. And pay attention to the moments between breaths. 
• Meditation may bring up certain feelings or emotions. If this happens, don't try to get rid these feelings. Just focus on the present moment. Don't get lost in the thoughts that those feelings might trigger. 

Stress Happens 
Stress happens to everybody. The thing to remember is there are ways to beat it. So the next time stress becomes overwhelming try playing a piano, taking a walk, laughing with friends, writing in a journal, or meditating in a quiet place—and let the stress of the day melt away.

Originally published on Suite101.com.

Menopausal Acne. Who knew?

Life has been pretty hectic lately. I haven't had much time to myself. I have managed to eat OK, and I even got a walk in last night. But, I'm breaking out with acne. Seriously. Acne. I'm 52 years old. And I have a big sore pimple on the end of my nose. I look like freaking Rudolph. I also have pimples all over my left cheek. How could this happen? Menopausal acne. Are you kidding me? No, it's real.

Menopausal acne happens for the same reasons adolescent acne happens—wildly sifting hormones. I never thought I would have to relive acne. But here it is. Just as big and bold as you please.

So what do I do? The same things I did when I was a teenager. Topical treatments, daily cleansing, and no picking. (Say it isn't so.) I can also use hormone replacement therapy. I was taking a bio-identical hormones, but stopped. Not because I didn't think they worked, but because I didn't think I needed them. I guess I was wrong. So I guess a refill is in order.

I hate to take more pills. And that's another reason I stopped taking them. I take so many pills now—just for thyroid I take three pills everyday. There are others, but I can't remember what they're for right now. Isn't that sad?

The thing is this zit on my nose hurts. I want it gone. I looked up a number of home remedies to get rid of a big, sore pimple, including witch hazel, Preparation H. baking soda, hot water, and eggs. Oh, and salt. So what do I do?

I'm also plagued with a cough that feels like it's only going to get worse. Sigh.

If you have any remedies for pimples or coughs. Let me know. 

Lean Cuisine Recall

In case you haven't heard and eat Lean Cuisine frozen dinners, they recalled the spaghetti and meatballs produced last October. 

I'm Getting Warmer

OK. I'm taking an iodine supplement that I bought from Wellness Resources. I've noticed that I actually have a normal temperature now—98.6 degrees when it's supposed to be. According to some researchers, normal is about 97.6 degrees in the morning when you first wake up and then it goes to 98.6 degrees later in the day. Since I was about 30 years old, I haven't had a normal temperature. It has always been around 97.4 degrees. And I was always freezing, despite supposedly being optimally treated with thyroid medication.

Other things I've noticed since beginning the iodine supplement: I don't retain as much fluid, leg cramps have lessened, feel lighter and able to walk farther, skin feels less dry, and the hair is growing back on my legs—that one I'm not that happy about. I do not feel like I've lost any weight, and, in fact, I haven't. I guess I still have to do that one on my own.

I'll keep you update on my latest guinea pig trial. As  for the vitamin D one, I'm still taking it. I have noticed less belly fat—in fact I lost an inch. No overall weight loss though. (No matter what, you have to stop overeating. lol)

Also, I have an appointment set up with a therapist for April 4. I'll let you know how that experiment works.

Lap Band—the jury is still out.

So, that's it for today. Sorry my posts have been so sparse. (And, admittedly, my blog reading.) But, I'm working to get myself back into the groove—again. So, I'll see you soon. 

Thankful Thursday

Wordless Wednesday

Iodine and Thyroid Disease

Do any of you guys have thyroid disease? If so, even though it's treated, do you still have high cholesterol? Have you ever tried iodine supplements? If so, have they worked for you? Has it lowered your cholesterol? Did you noticed any differences? I'm trying to figure out if adding more iodine to my diet will be beneficial. Or maybe a supplement.

Hey, Hey We're the Monkeys
I bought The Boy—who's four years old—a bottle of shampoo that has a picture of a monkey on the front of it. Last night after his bath, I said, "You really smell good."

He said, "Do I smell like monkeys?'

I had to turn away for a moment because, in his innocence, he was serious.

Wordless Wednesday

There's Always a Bright Side

This morning while taking the kids to school, we got caught in a torrential downpour. The girl was freakin' out because she couldn't see.

I said, "How do you think I feel? I'm trying to drive. It's gonna flood today. I hate this."

Then from the backseat I hear in this joyous little voice exclaim, "But do you like rainbows?"

Well, who doesn't? I guess it won't be such a bad day after all. The kid was right again.

Why am I still fat? Will mental makeover help?

Reflecting on my life, I realized that I am still fat for a reason. Being fat has become my default setting. And I have a tendency to sabotage myself so I can maintain the default. I can justify my position because I am self deluded. I tell myself I want to change. But in reality, it takes too damn much energy to lose weight. So I'm still fat.

Photo by Dedda71

But, despite myself, I continue to search for ways to overcome myself. One such way is meditation. Simple meditation exercises can get me off of autopilot and thinking about my self deceptive habits in new ways. For example, if I inhale and notice my breath before I reach for the chocolate, I can break the cycle of associating chocolate with stress. At least that's what Martine Batchelor, author of Let Go: A Buddhist Guide to Breaking Free of Habits, says.

"The two main elements of meditation—concentration and inquiry—are key to getting control of your actions," she says. "Concentration helps because every time you come back to your breath, your body, a mantra or whatever your meditation is, you dissolve the habit's power." Next, she explains, you need to begin inquiry.

"It's like a beam of light," Batchelor says. "Normally, you find yourself [eating chocolate or whatever you want to insert here] before you think about it. With inquiry, you notice the details of the experience, you take the time to observe when and how the habit arises, and you become a little more aware that you don't want to do it."

Have I tried this yet? Meditation, like many other things in my life, I'm still working on. I do, however, know that when I take the time to think through whether buying some chocolate is good idea, I recognize that it's a less than beneficial choice. Does it always stop me? No. But it helps about 75 percent of the time. Will I continue to use it? Absolutely. I think it's a very good tool for weight loss—as well as other health-related habits such as quitting smoking.

Let me know if you use meditation, and what works for you. I'd love to hear from you.

I'm Not as Fat as I Thought

At a recent health fair, I had my waist measured. As it turns out, it was 38.5 inches. I was happy about it. In fact, I must've appeared so happy that the person taking the measurement was surprised and remarked, "It's supposed to be below 35 to be OK."

I tried to explain that I didn't expect it to be that good. And that I knew where it was supposed to be. I thought it was going to be something like 45 inches. So when it comes out seven inches smaller than what you thought it was going to be—well, I think that's reason to celebrate. Don't you?

Want to Win Free Groceries?
Anyway, are you interested in winning free groceries for a year. If so, check out my blog post on my other blog Living a Debt Free Life. Free groceries on a weight loss site? Hmmmm. There must be some kind of irony there. . . .

One of the Top 50 Blogs about Food Addiction

The Guide to Culinary Schools named my blog in their 50 blogs about food addiction. I am honored. Thank you.

Tongue Tied Tuesday

It's OK to Ask for Help

The path to wellness.

Yesterday, I went to a therapist to discuss compulsive overeating. We went over much of what I thought we'd go over, but what I didn't realize was how much it was going to affect me. She told me that we learn most of our coping behaviors before we turn nine years old. Whatever you did when you were a kid is what you continue to do now. I used to hide under my grandmother's kitchen table and eat ice cream. To this day, ice cream remains a trigger food for me—although I no longer hide under the table.

We talked about what it was like to grow up in an alcoholic home, my mother's compulsive eating, and how seeing that you drown or stuff down your problems is the way to cope. That much I knew. I did not know it was going to rouse up a bunch of feelings I thought I had successfully suppressed. So much for thinking.

Memories from the Corners of My Mind. . . .
The memories and feelings lingered into my dream world last night. I dreamt of having things stolen from me. I dreamt of people I hadn't seen in years. I dreamt of feeling used and abandoned. This morning, I feel odd.

I plan to continue therapy for a few weeks just to see where it goes. I don't want to be like I am any longer, and I need help to free myself from myself.

I am still going to the lap band seminar tomorrow. I want to explore all of my options. I need help, and I don't mind asking for it. 

Update to the Update: Lap Band Update and Other Stuff

Just a quick update this morning: I'm still on the fence with the lap band procedure. I'm weighing the pros and cons. It seems there are just as many success as horror stories. Used as tool, I think it could be very effective. For the record, I have never thought it would be magic. I know what it takes to lose weight. But thank you for all of your advice. I have read all of it, and am considering all of it.

This morning I told the kids we'd have broccoli for dinner. The girl loves it. The boy, well. I asked him why he didn't like it. He said, "My brain tells me I don't like it." I couldn't argue with that.

Life is OK at the moment. So that's it for now. Busy day ahead. I hope yours is a good one.

P.S. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a therapist to discuss compulsive overeating. 

A LapBand or Not?

I'm seriously considering having a LapBand. I am at my wits end. I need something that's going to work. I've been researching it for a couple of days, and I signed up for a seminar. Even then I don't know what I'll do for sure. I just know I've got to do something.

I know I've seen several bloggers who've had this done. What do you think of it? What are the drawbacks? What have been your greatest challenges? On the other hand, what have been the benefits? 

On Account of My Obstacles

Over the weekend, I dreamed I was on the Biggest Loser. Seriously. I really dreamed this. Anyway, I was so excited because I thought, "Finally, I'm gonna lose all of this weight." So what does this mean to me? I think it means that I'm finally getting into a frame of mind where I think I can lose all of this weight. Thank God.

It's so tough getting into the right mindset to lose weight. Then it's such a delicate place to be that any little thing can set you back. I've been fighting for more than two years to get there. Even the fear of death couldn't bring me around any faster. Why is it so hard? I think I'm coming closer to having the answers for my own journey. Number one is I feel all alone in my life—even when there are people around. I 'm sure that makes sense to somebody.Every other negative emotion stems from there. I develop a "What's the Use" attitude. And failure is eminent.

Everett, Pete, and Delmar faced many obstacles
before reaching their destination. 

My number two obstacle is my obsessive need to help everybody—whether they want my help or not. Susan really explained this best in her comment on my Groundhog Day post:

"I can relate. I have always wanted to 'help' everyone. Being like this sometimes led to me trying to take over everything and often made others think I was bossy and that, in turn, led to me having feelings of resentment when they didn't appreciate my help. Finally realizing that I wasn't (and wasn't supposed to be) my world's Super Hero made quite an impact on me. I think, deep down, I was doing all of this because I wanted to be liked."  

And that's me to a tee. I have come to realize that I can't do everything for everybody. And I can let go of the people I love and let them have their own experiences. I have also learned to accept compensation when it's offered. That has been an extremely hard lesson for me to learn. I have always felt that if I didn't take on someone else's troubles as if they were my own, I wasn't really helping. I'd say,"Oh no. You don't need to pay me back." Then when I got nothing in return, I felt cheated. What bologna.

Now, I've learned to recognize that people don't really want someone to take on the full burden of their lives, and they want to stand on their own—I'm talking about most people. I know there are exceptions. And I've learned to take what they offer in repayment and accept it. The weight of the world has been lifted from me.

Anyway, I've come along way from where I was a mere year ago. And thank you all for being there for me.

Animal Doctors

This morning as the kids were getting in the car so I could take them to school, I noticed there was a lot dog hair in the backseat.

"Boy, Caleb really got the car hairy," I said.

"How did he get in the car?" asks my 4-year-old nephew.

"He was in here when I took him to the vet."

"What 's a vet?"

"A vet is an animal doctor."

"How can an animal be a doctor?"

What do I say to that?

It's Groundhog Day

Happy Groundhog Day!
This morning while I was taking the kids to school, we saw a rainbow. Right now it's 53 degrees and sunny, but that's supposed to change later today. But it is Groundhog Day and that means we're closing in on spring.

Also, this morning, my nephew got stuck on the ice again—in his car. He wasn't just standing there. And I resisted the urge to run outside to help him. Don't worry. A neighbor helped him. But why this is a big thing for me is: I know I can't save everyone now. I can't keep the people I live from experiencing life. People can and often do find ways to help themselves. I'm not responsible for everyone. I can't be. I can only be responsible for myself. And what a weight off of my shoulders that is. I don't have to live the same day over and over.

Diet has been going OK. I've been eating lots of vegetables and fruit. I've been trying to stick with three meals a day. I'm not counting calories right now, but I am watching portion sizes. Exercise is mostly just moving more. It's a little easier when the kids are around.

I'm still looking for as many dieting and fitness resources that I can find. Let me know if you run across any good ones. I'll let you know what I find as well.

I'll try to post more later, but life has been busy this week.

And that's it for now. 

Any Excuse

Summer. Could you get here, please?

 This is what my front yard looks like in the summer—I can't plant in the backyard. My dogs would dig it up. Anyway, this is to remind me that spring and then summer aren't far off. Enjoy.

5 Awesome Weight Loss Blog Posts

If you're like me, you're always looking for inspiration and motivation--and when it's free, all the better. But I digress. I read a lot of blogs everyday. And many times I find posts that really stand out. Here are few that stood out for me:

1. John is Fit posted this list of free online fitness videos and workouts. Thank you John. You are awesome.
2. The Token Fat Girl recently posted about the power of oatmeal. Thanks for this post. I often forget that oatmeal is powerful and pretty darn tasty, too.
3. Holly shows us how good she looks with a hair cut. Makeovers make us feel great and look fabulous,too.
4. Roni's Weigh gets her cookbook published. How awesome is she?
5. Weight Loss Blogger helps us find motivation to exercise.

Thanks to everyone who writes a weight loss blog. You don't just keep me motivated. You keep me thinking.

Thankful Thursday

Thank you all for the support, friendship, and advice. And thank you for continuing to read my blog. May you be blessed with everything you've always hoped and dreamed for.

5 Tips for Sticking with Your Diet

Having trouble sticking to your diet? We all do from time to time. To really be on top of your game, create a plan that fits your lifestyle and takes into account that there will be tough times.

1. Choose a diet that fits your lifestyle. Low carb, low fat, and low calorie diets all have one thing in common: They will work if you stick with them. But if you choose a low carb diet, and deep down you know there's no way you're going to pass by the bread, maybe it's time to reevaluate. Remember, willpower doesn't have as much to do with whether you succeed as your perception of whether the diet is simple and easy to follow. Also, you may feel physically better on one diet over another. Choose the one that's right for you.

2. Set realistic goals. If you're set to go to the beach next month, losing 100 pounds by then probably isn't going to happen. Aim for one to two pounds per week (when you first start your diet, you may lose more than that but weight loss will quickly taper off). I'd say that even three pounds per week is possible under the right—healthy—circumstances.

3. Don't let one slip upset your whole plan. Everybody gives in to a snack attack at one or another. Just because you did too doesn't mean that's the end of the program and now you'll have to start all over again. It was a slip. Pick yourself up and say, "OK. I ate the Snickers bar. So what? I'm still heading toward my goal. A few too many calories, or too much fat, or whatever right now doesn't mean my future is doomed to failure." Sometimes people with weight problems have an all or nothing mentality. But reality is somewhere in between.

4. Find a support group, either online or in your community. Online support programs like Sparkpeople.com have message boards and ways to find people who have similar goals. Other programs like TOPS or OA get you face-to-face with people like you. Pick one that works for you.

5. Set up a system of non-food rewards. Many bloggers out there like Ann have found rewards that mean more to them than allowing themselves to overindulge and stay embedded in bad habits. Choose something that you really want and use that as enticement to reach your goal. Want a handbag? A piece of jewelry? Whatever it is give yourself permission to use that as a reward.

Don't forget: Sticking to a diet is hard for virtually everyone. Don't beat yourself up for an occasional slip. Look for support. And success can be yours.                                                                                                   

Why is sticking to a resolution so hard?

Create a plan to you success

We set goals and make resolutions. Some of us are more successful than others reaching our goals. Why is that? According to January 3, 2011, Associated Press article, New Year's Resolutions? Brain Can Sabotage Success, we're hardwired to seek immediate reward over a delayed one.

Bad habits become as much as part of our thinking as good ones—perhaps even more so. Whatever it is that gives us pleasure or comfort we will seek out before something that will get us to a long-term goal. When you look at changing long-time dietary habits this way, it's no surprise that great taste beats great nutrition almost every time. But that's no reason to give up. It just gives you more ammo to get to where you want to be. The more you understand where your craving is coming from, the more likely you will be able to overcome it, according to Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

In Volkow's experiments, she studied how the pleasure-inducing chemical dopamine affects people, and how just a little bit of happiness turns into a habit. She says the right cue in the right environment will make the temptation too hard to resist virtually every time. In addition, she says that people believe they can handle more than they can. And it's these people who fall off the wagon more than people who have a more realistic view of what they can handle.

In one experiment, Loran Nordgren, an experimental psychologist and an assistant professor at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management, measured whether heavy smokers could resist lighting up while watching a movie called "Coffee and Cigarettes." Participants were given the choice of watching the film while holding an unlit cigarette, leaving the pack on the table, or leaving the pack in another room. Those who thought they were in control and could hold the cigarette were more likely to lit up than those who left the cigarettes in another room. The temptation turned out to be more insidious depending on how close the cigarettes were.

So what does this tell us? I guess it's what Dr. Oz among others have been saying for a while:
1. If you want to lose weight, get the snacks out of the house,
2. Make your environment conducive to meeting your goals.
3. Use non-food rewards,
4. Repeat the new behavior over and over until it becomes a habit, and
5. Seek support that doesn't jeopardize your success.